Before my eyes close


Thoughts mold into balls and bounce off the sides of my aching mind. Darkness envelops the room while silence wraps me in its arms. I’m taken by the night with my eyes wide open.

As the world blurs slowly around me, my mind descends the same worn-down staircase. Every step creaks loudly, reverberating throughout my room with a sound only I can comprehend. It comes when I’m most vulnerable: asleep.

Yet I’m not asleep. My limbs are heavy with exhaustion and tucked beneath a blanket, but my mind is racing. It’s racing to reach the finish line, and I’m brought along for the ride.

It runs through forests of doubt, rivers of emotion, and towns bustling with excitement. A leash dangles behind my mind with no owner. I’m no longer in control as I relive story after story.

As if I’m in a fairytale, everything unfolds right in front of me seemingly by someone else’s hand. I continue to survey my surroundings as I’m taken captive by my own mind. Over creeks of problems, under branches of previous actions, and through logs of responsibility, the blur intensifies as the speed is increased.

When will it stop?

This cheers my mind on as each step comes faster and faster. I’m leaning forward more and more as my legs push me further into the dense cloud now gathering in front of me. Moisture sticks to me, replacing the cool darkness. My mind is panicking; I can feel the shaking travel down to my toes.

Whatever I’ve been running from has caught up to me, and my sanity has realized, too. In order to gain some understanding, I attempt to reach out for the leash left unattended. My grasp is met with more dense air, saturating my hand with whatever damp cloud has begun to grow thicker. Suddenly, my mind jerks me to the right, and multiple memories flash in front of me.

Now I am unsure of where I am going. My vision blurs as fear mischievously melds with panic, but my mind won’t listen to the warnings going off. Shouts escape my sleepy mouth but quickly fade away into the background noise.

A twig snaps. My mind wearily falls and accepts my fate.

Slowly, I feel the cloud begin to cover me as lie on the ground. Once again, I am left alone in the woods with everything shifting around me. Time is slipping away. Emotions, events, and people flash before my eyes as my eyelids begin to slowly fall. Trees stretch into my familiar grey walls, and the dirt morphs into my much-loved mattress.

And I’m left alone to process everything while I sleepily glance to the stars on my ceiling.