“I’m not like most girls.”

You’ve heard it. You’ve seen it said on social media. Heck, you’ve probably even said it yourself if you’re of the female gender. Maybe a guy has even said it to you, and you’ve mistaken it for a compliment. And that’s what some people think it is, an ode to how “different” you are.

People say it all the time, originating from Tumblr and spreading to Instagram, and it’s even seen in books with the character trope of a girl who “doesn’t like girly things” or who hates pink. She is automatically adored by characters and audiences alike for being so “original.” While it may seem as if being told this is flattering, it is in fact the opposite. It does nothing but diss every other girl this complimenter has ever come in contact with.

First of all, since when did liking things that are stereotypical “girl” fads become a crime? I grew up thinking it was a sin if I liked the color pink because somehow, a color was assigned a gender. Now, though, I’ll happily go on record and say it’s probably my favorite color, and that’s simply because I don’t think that colors are gender-specific, nor do I think we should be criticized for our passions.

We have tendencies to guilt trip girls into hating things that are perfectly fine to enjoy. You like Starbucks, more specifically pumpkin spice lattes? Well that’s now considered “basic,” and if you don’t want that label, you can’t drink them. You want to look even remotely acceptable for going out somewhere? Well now that’s called trying too hard, and you’re doing it.

I don’t understand. You can’t win either way. The saying “not like other girls”– what does it even mean? I’m not like other girls because I… what? Enjoy video games? Sure you could say that, but then I’d argue that video games aren’t gender-specific even if they are marketed that way and also, other girls like video games.

We (and yes I mentioned myself too because I think every female has done it at least once) find ourselves reaching for one unique thing about ourselves to cling tightly to as if it’s the rope we all had to climb in gym class. But it’s not, and this isn’t a competition. We aren’t fighting to climb to the top. We’ve all made it; there’s no reason to shove the people above us down as we climb overtop of them.

You don’t have to compete and simultaneously bring other women down just because you have your own likes and passions. Quite frankly, you’re probably very similar to at least one other person. This isn’t a bad thing, but in fact, the opposite.

No person is entirely original with their own unique passions because otherwise how would you have heard about these ardors in the first place? But you on your own are unique. Your personality and your inner thoughts and the way you handle and compose yourself. Those are all unique to you and you can embrace those things, but by claiming them as your own and then saying that makes you better than another girl? It doesn’t work that way.

So now, I’d like to propose we get rid of this “compliment” altogether. It’s not. It disses other women and isn’t exactly saying anything particular about you. It’s okay to compliment how you like that she doesn’t need a fancy date-night, but that doesn’t make her “not like other girls.” It simply means that there is at least one night in every woman’s life that she doesn’t want to go out.

Let’s stop hunting for things that are unique to anyone and start embracing what is. We don’t have to fight each other for this metaphorical award of “Most Individual.” Because if you think about it, if we all claimed the title “Not Like Other Girls,” we’d all be the exact same.

I’m tired of hearing it, seeing it, and reading it. Authors, take note. We don’t want any more female characters that are adored because of how “quirky” they are with their high-top Converse and messy buns. I think it’s time you get an original idea.

We’re all special, and we are “most girls.”