Boarding soon

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Dana Kistler

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Boarding soon

8:32 boarding.
I arrive at the airport around 7:30; checking my bag takes a couple of minutes. With my luck, I go through TSA pre-check, and security is rather quick.
That means I have time to wander in my thoughts.
Would I want to actually leave this place I’ve known so long?
I’ve lived here all my life. I haven’t left.
I haven’t seen another way of living.
Everyone I’ve talked to says I should stay.
I’ve known them for so long. So endearing and enchanting. I wish I could be as happy as they are living here.
The boarding is delayed another hour. About 9:37 now.
I start to get nervous. Is this the universe’s way of telling me to stay? Is this what whatever God up there wants? Will I mess up my dream?
I walk around mindlessly in the airport with my great amount of given time.
I see other people by their gates, giving themselves chances to be as free as they want. Yet, I cage myself up in this town. They must experience the love they save for only themselves that I have never given to myself.
I see magazines of people inventing amazing things, people giving out acts of kindness all around the world, and people living lives they’ve given themselves. How can I ever live up to a life like that? Will I ever find myself that happy?
I walk back to my gate. All of this pacing around the airport makes me feel even more timid about my decision.
I’m not one for radical change. Yet, I feel inclined to leave so badly. I’ve always lived by a set routine, but I’m here. Maybe this is a way of saying I do need to leave.
The flight is now boarding.
I second guess myself.
I should just leave.
I should just stay.
The staff announces they need someone to give up a seat. A chance to stay. Be safe.
But I don’t move. Is this really what I want?
I command my nerves to move, but I stay in line.
Someone else approaches the counter to say they would like to give up their seat.
I start to heat up.
I really am leaving.
Everything is happening in flashes.
They check my ticket.
I’m walking down the ramp.
I’ve entered the plane.
I’m in my seat.
There’s time between taking off and boarding.
Still a chance to leave.
But I still stay.
This is really what I want, isn’t it?
I’ve made up my mind.
We took off, my hands sweating against the armrests. The plane rumbles and roars while taking off. It shakes violently. I close my eyes forcefully. I wanted this change, didn’t I? Why am I so scared? No matter how much I desire this feeling, I fear it still. I make myself look out the window; that way I must face it.

The city lights I once knew so well eventually are draped over by a large sheet of gray. The plane’s wing sails adventurously into the fog. Increasing the altitude, the stars above me grant my wish of this new dream I’ve always desired so badly. They twinkle of hope, and I entrust myself in their shine.

I’ll be fine; I know I’ll be fine.

I can always figure it out.

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