I’ve never had many friends. I only have one or two real, close friends at any given moment, so I spend much of my time online.

Most days I perform the same routine: wake up, make facades for conversations at school, go home, and play games. Granted, nothing ever goes perfect, so my plans are always ruined by my friends who seem to always want to talk to me.

And I, all too often, just accept the company of their voices, even if I long for silence. Not always do I talk to them. Sometimes it’s me, silence, and video games: right where I want to be. 

RPGs, role-playing games, are what I like the most. Exploring the various worlds with their scenic landscapes, watching the story of someone interesting with many different characters, and feeling helpful on a larger scale than taking in groceries, are what draws me in.

One of my favorite games is Xenoblade Chronicles X, a game where your customizable character finds themself on a mysterious planet with the remaining population of Earth after it’s destruction from two alien races waging a war.

The world is massive and open, yet what you can and can’t do is restricted naturally. I love the gameplay, yet that’s not the most important part to me. What’s most important is the story.

To me, a story is a defining part of a game, even to go to the draw of it. The world of XCX, Xenoblade Chronicles X, has a surplus of lore behind enemies; the characters are all fully developed and deep.

Why focus on real-life when I could feel important to something greater than myself?

I like to help others. I like to help others to the extent of ignoring my own needs, hence, I like RPGs. They let me escape a world where I feel minuscule in my ability to help others.

Sometimes I just want to feel useful, yet all too often, I’m a hindrance instead of a helper. I try my best to be a good person, to be cheery and helpful, but I rarely help.

I also play online games with my friends. I may be working on a task I felt should be finished, but my friend is also working on a task and they ask for help. My task goes unfinished, but I feel a sense of gratification flow through me because I know I helped.

Online play is not just restricted to friends. Strangers I’ve never met aren’t undeserving of help either. In team games, I play a supportive character. In cooperative games, I will help a stranger I’ve never met.

I want to live out a life where I feel like I can help. That is why I escape life through electronics.