I can’t
More stories from Kyle Basher
People scare me.
New people and old acquaintances alike scare me. I am horrible at interacting with people, so I fear I’ll, in some unholy fashion, completely break any relations I have with people.
I can’t deal with people. If I had a job in customer service, I think I might keel over dead from fear. That’s how bad I am at talking to people. I think I would actually rather die than force my way through many social situations.
I can’t deal with people, and even asking for help from the people I’m closest to is hard. I’m fine with admitting that I need help to myself, and I know that people won’t judge me for it, but what if they do?
I hide the fact that I really care about what people think of me. I don’t feel confident to verbally admit it to my closest confidants. I hide behind the anonymity of people not knowing who I am when I write or express myself.
I doubt that anyone outside of my friends and the band kids know who Kyle Basher is. Despite that being my literal name, it feels like a persona more than myself. A Kyle who is stronger than I am. A Kyle who can admit and believes he has issues. A Kyle that can.
I can’t deal with people, let alone myself. I seldom tell people my problems, let alone be able to convince myself to admit them. I am a self-deprecating pessimist. I see a minor mistake as my major fault.
The fun fact about that destructive combination of mental states is that I feel that I barely do things right. I’m a smart kid, and I can say it, but I can’t believe it.
I can’t deal with people, and I can’t feel that I belong in any social situation. Often, I find myself feeling ostracized from the cliques of people in school when they are just as open to me joining them as I am to joining them.
With the new semester being just over a week old, I find that I have gotten extremely tired after school because I just haven’t been in the presence of people for so long.
I’m confident that I have taken more naps in the span of a week and some odd days then I have in my entire life all just because I can’t deal with people.
I can’t deal with people, and I hate it. I hate that I have a physical limiter on my social interaction because I really do enjoy talking to people, but how can I even get a chance to talk to those I want when my body lulls and coerces me to sleep from the time I get home until midnight?
I can’t. I can’t deal with people. I can’t deal with myself. I can’t change who I am, and I can’t pretend that I haven’t tried.
I can’t do a lot, but there is one thing I can do: come to terms with my faults.
![Photo of Kyle Basher](https://thecentraltrend.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/FB_IMG_1572895392798-1-475x468.jpg)
After taking a gap year, Audrey is entering her second year on staff for The Central Trend. In her free time, you can find her reading, practicing music...
Jim • Sep 2, 2021 at 3:00 pm
Hi Kyle,
I happened upon this article because I read your article about luck. It was one of the most insightful things I have read in a very long time. I was curious to see other articles that such an insightful writer would write and was surprised to see such wisdom at an early age. And then I read this article. First off I applaud you for your courage. It clearly shows someone who is not scared of people that would so bravely put themselves out there in front of people.
What may appear as a weakness is a by-product of your strength. Being very insightful comes from deeply observing the things around you and it requires a lot of mental processing power – which explains needing naps.
You have a common characteristic of many great writers. Unfortunately the downside is it can make social situations more of a challenge.
I would recommend learning about the pros and cons of being an introvert and extrovert. Also, become a student of human behavior and research it as well.
Think of it this way – the reason there appears to be more extroverts than introverts at parties is because most of the introverts prefer to be home.
Embrace your strengths and study your weaknesses. People can be scary, but also be the best thing in life – certainly a paradox.
Realize you have a gift. I have no doubt that have a great life ahead filled with curiosity and wonders.
I wish you the best of luck 😉
Dylan Wilson • Jan 28, 2020 at 6:04 pm
Kyle, this is such a well written column!! I think it’s one of your best pieces of writing all year! Keep it up!
Michelle • Jan 28, 2020 at 8:11 am
Very brave writing! It is not easy to speak ones truth, especially openly. There are many others who feel this same way, and there are lots of avenues to get help if you want it. People can be daunting. 🙂 Sometimes our brains/anxiety hinder us from social situations. Anxiety is no fun, but can be overcome! The help is out there, and you can do this. 🙂