Every day is basically the same 


A picture of my friend and I waiting in line for the ski lift at practice.

I do not know what day it is.

I am losing track of what I am supposed to do.

Every day, I wake up and procrastinate getting out of bed. If what I do when I wake up is any insight into how I deal with assignments, one may assume I wait until eleven at night the day before something is due to start it. 

I would be lying if I said that wasn’t at least somewhat true. 

If I were more organized maybe I could keep track of my workload. But it’s not that I can’t keep track; I have no motivation to complete it. I still try to keep organized.

I buy a planner at the beginning of every school year with the intention of using it; I never really do. When I open my old planners, I see random bursts of full weeks. It’s not that I had no homework the rest of those weeks; I just never wrote anything down. This year, barely any days are filled in. I am trying to fix that. 

I know writing things down will help me.

The moment of serenity in an absolute downpour.”

Online school has become a whirlwind that I can never slow down. Some days, I understand nothing; others, I blow through my work at an alarming rate, somehow managing to comprehend the curriculum. Most days, I become distracted. The surroundings of my home comfort me and allow me to do anything. Anything but school, of course. Whether it’s reading the knowledge probe in Biology or taking notes during my math Zoom, I struggle to keep focus.

The only relief to my unfocused Zooms and in-person classes is getting to ski practice. The Monday and Wednesday practices along with Thursday races have been my bridge. The bridge intersecting the highway from above. The moment of serenity in an absolute downpour. A brief intermission between the stress.

Ski is the only way I can keep track of the days. The only slight differentiation in my week. 

Yet every mostly-monotonous day feels the same. 

New knowledge is shoved down my throat every single day. That doesn’t mean I remember what day it is. That doesn’t mean I remember everything that was taught. 

The lines between days on my planner are blurred. Do I have to study today or tomorrow? I’m not sure I will ever know. For if I cannot remember the day, how do I know where to write?