The past few weeks have been occupied with sleeping, homework, and cheer. These are normal activities that fill up my time around this season; however, right now, I am feeling everything but enjoyment.

Every day is the same: wake up, eat, go to school, do homework, go to practice, and then come back home to do even more school work. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not the only one facing hardships right now, but at one point these tasks used to be simple for me—sometimes they even brought me laughter. Now, all of a sudden, they do not.

These responsibilities have become tiresome and tough.  

To be honest, this feeling of being stuck in a never-ending storm didn’t start this past week. Try the past year, or, to be more precise, the beginning of high school. Yes, the beginning of high school. But that’s not the point.

Recently, the disturbance of the snowstorm, tornado, blizzard, or whatever you want to call it, seems to be getting worse. Night after night, day after day, I wish that everything would calm down; I wish I had a break. I wish I could share a genuine laugh with someone again. 

All of the motivation I once had, along with the excitement I held for each day, has disappeared into a storm, and I am afraid I will never get it back.

In the past, when I woke up to the boisterous and obnoxious sound of my alarm clock, I would simply hit the button and get right out of bed. Now, I press snooze five to ten times, and sometimes, I just don’t even bother to get up at all. I have nothing to look forward to, which only makes this feeling worse.

I realize that hitting the snooze button five to ten times is probably normal for the average teen, but for me, it is not; I am a fairly energetic person that is full of hope going into the new day, but now I do not carry any aspiration at all anymore.  

In the past, when I would get all of my assignments organized and turned in on time to the best of my ability, I would continue to strive for a better grade on each assignment. Now, when I get a bad grade, I immediately give up and take the easy way out. I realize that taking the easy way out is common, but for me, it is not; I am one to always want more as I am one that is never fully satisfied until I achieve all of my goals. But now, I settle for less.

As I am getting numb from the cold and a little dizzy and fuzzy-minded from the whirling storm, I start to hold hope that the determination that was once inside of me starts to build into something new, but it proves me wrong time and time again.

While fighting the never-ending battle, I choose to not give up. This storm might have taken away traits of mine I would have never imagined losing, it might have knocked me down in ways I would have never predicted, but, through it all, there is one idiosyncrasy I haven’t lost yet: courage. And that I feel is the only thing that keeps me going because not everyone has the strength to use it.