Will I ever get to live the life I imagine?


As a person who constantly craves more out of life, I am often disappointed in situations. I tend to set complicated goals for myself while thinking I can achieve every one of them. With this mindset, I constantly have big goals, big dreams, and even bigger ideas. 

When I think about my future, I visualize myself sitting by a fireplace in a modern, white farmhouse with three golden retrievers. My goal is to build a family full of love and acceptance, but for now, the house with a wrap-around porch and acres of endless land is the ultimate goal.  

Even though this ideal future may not turn into reality, I will not settle until I get to where I want to be. I am never fully satisfied unless I feel I have completed everything I can to fix or change a situation into something better. Aside from that, I know that making a stable, financial life for myself may be more challenging than I would like to think right now. But there is a little part of me that knows I will be comfortable. 

I hold confidence in myself, but I also hold loads of doubt. I am in fear that I could end up living in a cardboard box on the side of an unknown road. All I want to do is become successful but also admire my job and not wake up every morning while dreading the sound of my alarm clock. I often feel that my big dreams get me excited and thrilled for my future, all while questioning whether I might fail.

I feel that I will never make it. I know that I’m only sixteen, and I should still be living my life and having fun, seeing as I’m still technically a kid, but that’s kind of hard to do when my life is constantly filled with schoolwork, chores, and extracurricular activities. My mindset is the only thing saving me. Every time life gets difficult and I get behind, there is always a feeling of guilt that stops me from letting my situations get to their worst. 

I’m scared that even though I might have a strong mindset, I will still get lost in the big crowd full of people that wonder. I realize that coming out of college, I will most likely be in debt, but most college kids are. I am aware of the fact that I will lose people I love the most, rather than friends or family.

At the end of the day, I just want to know that I will be okay. I hope that there will be a sign or a voice that comforts me into reassurance.