I never thought this movie would end. 

Throughout watching Squared Love, I found myself repeatedly pausing the television, only to find out barely any time had passed.

Squared Love tells the story of a young teacher, Monika (Adrianna Chlebicka), living a double life. After Monika’s mother’s death, her father (Miroslaw Baka), who runs a car shop, finds himself in deep debt from mobsters. Monika, desperate to help her father, takes on the alter ego of Klaudia. Klaudia is a rising figure in the modeling industry, and she’s been landing many deals. Her most recent deal lands her in a troubling situation to keep her true identity a secret.

This job is a car promotion with Enzo (Mateusz Banasiuk), who is possibly an actor though it is never explicitly said in the movie. Enzo, or Stephan (which I believe is the name he was born with), is also the uncle of Ania (Helena Mazur), one of Monika’s students. After Enzo is kicked out of his home by Alicja (Agnieszka Zulewska) for cheating on her during their “open relationship,” he moves in with his brother, Jacek Szczepanski (Krzysztof Czeczot), to help raise Ania while her mother is away. 

This is where the problem comes in. Enzo is Ania’s uncle, but also Klaudia’s costar. Enzo spends a lot of time at Ania’s school as he becomes infatuated with Monika. At the same time, he is falling for Klaudia. Since Enzo grows closer with both Monika’s real and fake identity, it is a wonder he didn’t realize they were the same person from the get-go.

Through a predictable maze of people trying to reveal Monika’s identity and Alicja desperate to split Enzo and Klaudia up, I’m not surprised that Squared Love has a 33% from rotten tomatoes. 

The two identities reminded me of the ultimate Disney Channel show–Hannah Montana. Although where Hannah Montana was a creative and iconic show,  Squared Love was unoriginal and boring. It was a typical “Cinderella Story” movie that had no flavor. I’d seen these concepts in far too many movies.

The story was slow-moving and dragged out an idea that probably could have been a thirty to forty-five-minute episode of a television show into an hour and twenty-three-minute film. Despite this seemingly short length for a typical movie, I found myself eight minutes in, hoping it was halfway over. 

What made me focus even less was the obvious voiceovers. Squared Love was originally made in Polish, not English. I have no problem with movies and shows being made in different languages, as that is fairly common, especially on Netflix. What did bother me about the voiceovers was lack of emotion or too much emotion. The voiceover actors seemed to not be able to connect to how it had been recorded by the original actors. At parts when some characters would be yelling, the voiceover was overenthusiastic. In parts acted out passionately, I heard no emotion. This only made me wish the movie would have ended sooner.

I hope to never again find myself watching as awful of a movie as Squared Love was.