I am far too nice

If it’s possible—I am simply too nice. 

I learned manners at a young age, and as the oldest sibling, I always found myself correcting my siblings or over-saying please on their behalf. 

This has helped with my people skills, but considering I am an athlete and participate in sports requiring aggression, I have heard the phrase, “get aggressive, stop being so nice” countless times. On the other hand, I am praised by my family and those who meet me for being so sweet and for being so well-mannered. I am torn between just letting all the pent-up anger and aggression out and being the sweet, perfect daughter.  

Even when I let out my aggression and leave it all on the court, I am told to get more aggressive, and I am left in a confused state. How far can I go before aggression turns into being mean? 

This doesn’t plague me on the court alone, but also in my day-to-day school life. I would describe myself as a sweet voice with a sometimes-sarcastic undertone, I can be somewhat rude to those who get under my skin, yet I have been told “don’t be a pushover” numerous times. 

I can be rude in a “funny” way, but I feel bad instantly and double-check to ensure the person is ok with the joke. I am more comfortable around certain people, and this allows for me to let out some anger, yet when I am really upset, I hold it in, worried that my feelings will upset others. 

I feel as though I’m a fraud every time someone calls me “too sweet.” Inside, I have anger and jealousy, and there are far too many moments where I want to tell someone off but the need to be nice is far greater. 

I push myself to lift the weight of being nice. 

I push myself to lift the weight of being nice.

I am the mom friend and find myself reminding my friends to use their manners, which my friends and I laugh at. It is my nature to use my manners and to be the sweetest I can be, but I am in the midst of learning to balance being nice and standing up for myself. 

I remember the years of stepping aside and taking verbal hits or taking the blame. I will stand now and push past the mental barriers and the concern of being nice or perfect. 

I have improved vastly and will push myself like the wind pushes the leaves to drop in the fall, to improve even more. 

I have a long way to go. I will not take the blame for someone else, I will not be too rude, I will find moderation, I will express how I am feeling, and I will stand tall. I will achieve all of my goals and be better off for it. 

I am glad I am nice, and I will cherish the manners instilled in me, but I will not allow them to keep me as a pushover. 

If it’s possible—I will no longer allow myself to be too nice.