I had just started middle school, and like any sane thirteen-year-old girl who was ridden with anxiety and a slight control problem, I opened a Pinterest account. This might not seem like the most rash or helpful outlet for my issues, however, it was unproblematic, free, and beneficial to my wired brain. 

Something about being able to take all my ideas, hobbies, and aggressively pink aesthetic—that hasn’t changed since—and organize it into little categories with folder titles, cover photos, and an account that was all mine, seemed to be the only thing that could calm my overactive imagination.

One major side effect that has always had a top-tier spot in the long list of things that occupy my brain, is my future. Not so much in the general sense though, yes the big daunting questions like “What do you want to be? Where do you want to go to college? Where do you see yourself in five years?,” still bother me, but I am talking about the specifics. 

I like to plan and romanticize every little detail about key events in my life that might be approaching, and Pinterest allowed me to do that. Although this might not seem like an issue right away, I assure you it becomes one when you’ve precisely planned the perfect event in your head. From the weather that I was convinced would happen on said day, to the shoes on my feet, little Allie thought she could control it all. 

Being the middle schooler I was, who apparently hadn’t even heard of the concept ‘live in the moment,’ naturally, my first Pinterest board was dedicated to my future prom dresses. Despite the fact that prom was a good five years away, and every dress on the board was about 500 dollars over budget, it still brought me ease knowing that when prom eventually came, I had a plan. 

And although I hate to admit it, I’ve stuck with some version of the same Pinterest perfect plan that a thirteen-year-old me created until this day. And that sad, but true fact is what has ultimately made these last few weeks incredibly stressful. 

Anyone who knows me knows that the beautiful hot pink sparkly dress I ordered months ago, showed up in royal blue. For many people, this might not have been a dramatic, “the world is ending” type of problem, but rather a disappointing inconvenience. Not for me though. It was truly gut-wrenching because it was the first step in the unraveling of my perfect prom. 

My control issues rapidly resurfaced—or perhaps they never truly went away—and I found myself doing everything I could to rectify the problem. But nothing was working out, no dress would come in time, the stores were sold out of my size, and every color, pattern, texture, and silhouette didn’t fit my vision. 

And suddenly, I was back to being an unhinged middle schooler. Obviously, not a great feeling. However, I have since found a dress that has exceeded all other prior expectations, and I have never been happier with an ensemble in my entire life.

It was when I tried on this dress and fit perfectly without alterations, and it was on sale, and everything finally went right. That I realized my greatest mistake wasn’t ordering from a site that doesn’t take returns, getting a royal blue dress instead of a hot pink one, or even trying to plan every single detail of the dress with my ongoing middle school Pinterest account. but rather not trusting that eventually my control issues would be appeased and everything would work out in the end.