Beautiful dresses, love at first sight, the entire tradition falling perfectly into place. He spots me sitting across the room, makes his way over, and pulls out my chair. His smile is charming, the light catches his tooth and gleams, and I nervously giggle, entranced by his charisma. I walk away and tell my friend, “He is the man I want to marry.” I have found my soulmate.

The idea of a soulmate is one I have been toying with since my earliest conception in the ideas of romance. In fairy tales and Disney movies, it always seems that some heroic and challenging journey leads the princess to find her match—her one and only—and upon meeting it is destined that they are to fall in love. 

Yes, this is interchanged with the enemies to lovers trope, but to speak for anyone with basic inference skills, we all know they will fall in love from the beginning. 

As a child who could barely conceptualize the feelings love associates with, I immediately decided my intention would be to find the one: my Prince Charming, and that would be that. As I have grown and developed a better understanding of what I believe love is, my feelings surrounding the topic have begun to shift.

I have grown up witness to a pretty textbook example of love. My parents dated in high school, and while they broke up between the present and then, they found their way back.

In taking myself back to the numerous errand-runs I took with my mom when I spent the majority of my time in her company, I can specifically remember a few conversations we have had in her maroon Honda Odyssey.

On one occasion, I remember questioning her if she believed in soulmates.

In response, she told me that while she loves my dad, she didn’t believe it was possible he was the only man she is compatible with. Since then, I have always looked at romantic love in a different way. 

The hopeless romance side of existence near bashes those whose views contradict theirs. These opposing views are seen as pessimistic and dreary, for they tend to believe that you are destined to find one great love.

To look at this issue simply from an emotional point of view, this almost makes me sad. I believe that one deserves a lifetime full of loves. That you are able to love a person right now, and it needs to be nothing more than that. I firmly believe in “right person wrong time,” and if someone was sent into the world to love you right now, just not forever, their love is just as real as any other. 

Here is where my issue lies with the entire idea of a soulmate: I almost think it is the easy way out.

If you tackle the concept of love and a partner as “there is one person out there and when you know you know,” as soon as one person and you share what you think love this, you will be set. 

In this, I am saying one will never struggle with the “but maybe there is something else” intrusive thoughts. If you have decided this person is the one and only, you will never doubt what you have. 

This can be thought of in a few ways. For some, settling could be a difficult state to accept. If you decide that this person is it and there must be nothing else, declaring someone a soulmate may be the only way you can accept love. For these people, this label is benefactory. 

The opposition, however, is true as well. If I choose to base my standards off of Prince Charming—classically beautiful, kind, talented, intelligent, infatuated with me, wealthy—would it even be possible to attain these qualities in one person? If so, how long are you willing to look?

To delve into the realist side of this argument, obviously it’s important to talk about distance and the science of humans and emotions. 

Stating that the sole person I am to fall head over heels in love with will cross paths with my life at some point is honestly laughable. 

In my opinion, it is more than likely you cross with some of the people that potentially fit the mold for a spouse. Because chemically, multiple humans exist that are similar versions of the same person, and any of them could handle the part. 

With this, it is not to say I do not wish for the stereotypical, Disney, rom-com version of love. If this falls into play in my life, I would be more than happy to play the part, but until then, I see no reason no to seek this out.