When the advice comes spilling out


Katya Berjawi

Allie Beaumont, Mia Martin, and Kami Koetsier together in Ada.

“That was really good advice.” 

“Have you ever thought of becoming a therapist?”

“Allie, I need your help.”

These are all comments that are directed at me on a weekly basis. My closest friends or girls on my cheer team will bombard me with their current difficulties, and my advice, whether it be experience-based, or simply what I would do if I was them, comes pouring out of me. 

Maybe it’s the years I’ve spent hashing out my own personal issues with my parents, or the endless nights I’ve spent talking things through with my sister, or maybe I just have a knack for it, but for some reason, if my words are ever going to be beneficial to a situation, I don’t hesitate to chime in. 

With each new rendition of similar problems, I’ve come to realize different aspects of myself from the people I connect with through their dilemmas. I’ve learned that a lot of issues can be solved by simply telling people how you feel directly. 

It sounds like mediocre or even basic, half-hearted advice, but half the time people would rather jump through hoops, spend days stuck in the heat of an argument, or even end relationships, before simply stating exactly how they feel and what they need to feel better. 

As humans we let stuff build up inside of us, we would rather play out an argument step by step in our mind, before even considering the idea of confrontation.”

Because I’ve recognized this pattern over and over again amongst the peers I talk to, I’ve tried to implement this act of being open about what I need in my own life. 

As humans we let stuff build up inside of us; we would rather play out an argument step by step in our mind, before even considering the idea of confrontation. I completely understand that it is scary, however, the majority of the time, playing up issues in your head only dooms you by convincing yourself things are worse than they actually are in real life. 

Of course, there are exceptions to this rule. Sometimes some things–some relationships–are too broken to be fixed by a simple well-worded text, or meaningful conversation, and in these cases, it’s time that will determine if that situation is worth re-evaluating. 

Giving out advice like this has formed a comforting habit of mine. It sounds slightly condescending, and I am fully aware that I have no more life experience than the rest of the high schoolers I talk to, however, I love listening to people. I love hearing their words, their thoughts, and their problems, and if at some point while I intently listen to them, they happen to take into account something that I say in return, then that makes me happy.