I wish I was better at journaling


A picture of the version of me I was talking to

Dear Diary, 

I know it has been quite a while since I last wrote an entry, and for that, I am sorry. Here is a life update, but where do I even start? 

Well, I am a lot angrier than I used to be. I mean, considering what is going on in the world, how can I not be? Gun violence and cyberbullying truly piss me off. You may be surprised to hear I am not upset about this stronger anger though; I actually welcome it. I am more motivated when I am angry; it fuels me. Anger helps me speak my mind more—in a polite way of course. Anger is not my favorite emotion, but is not my least favorite either. 

On a brighter note, I can drive. I have much more freedom now; for example, I find myself at Target probably two times a week. I absolutely love driving. It’s one of the most calming activities. After a long shift, I take my time driving home, windows down and music blasting, and suddenly, my anger seeps out of my pores. The calm does not always combat the anger, but it always helps in some small way. 

Another source of joy in my life is my friends: don’t worry, I am still friends with Hannah and Mahta, but I have new friends, too. I went out of my comfort zone and talked to new people. I think you would be proud. I am constantly laughing throughout the school day and even on the slowest and most boring days when something absolutely hilarious occurs. 

After a long shift, I take my time driving home windows down and music blasting, and suddenly, my anger seeps out of my pores.

Not everything has changed though. I am still obsessed with Harry Potter (that will never change), and when given the time, I can still read at least three books a week. And even though I no longer write diary entries, I still am constantly writing, and in a way, every column I write is a journal entry, just not the normal kind. 

On the other hand, there are a few changes I am working towards. I am striving to get stronger and lift more weight. I am attempting to get better at speaking to my peers—specifically strangers. I am trying to get better at money management (which I used to be good at, but now, not so much). My goal is to be a better version of myself.

Before I conclude this entry, here are a few things that might have changed as well. My favorite color is either pink or sage green depending on the day: pink, when I am feeling bubbly or girly, and green when I am in a calmer state of mind. My favorite movie is She’s The Man because the comedy and the message a girl can be as good or better than a guy comforts me. 

I have truly gone through plenty of development. I am thankful and grateful for all of it—yes, including the anger— I feel as though I have grown to be a much better person than the last time I wrote an entry. I hope you feel mostly caught up in my life, hopefully, the next time I write to you will be sooner than four years.