I am stuck in a grocery store


A picture of me when I was focused on the moment and not summer

It’s getting harder to wake up. 

It’s getting harder to do my homework. 

It’s getting harder to pay attention in class. 

It’s getting harder to care. 

It is the end of the year; seniors will depart from these halls for the very last time in about a week, but I still have about six weeks left. I still try (and fail) to wake up at six in the morning. I still have to force myself to care about my grades. I still have a long way to go. 

I am stuck. School seems to be dragging me along like a kid in a grocery store wanting candy, and I am the mom embarrassed and trying my hardest to get out of the store as soon as possible. In everything I do, it seems to be flying by. The little kid is winning, and I am standing in the aisle letting them run wild. 

In six weeks, I can calmly grab the kid’s hand and walk out of the store as though nothing had happened. In six weeks, I can bask in the sun, and then hop in my car and drive and drive and drive. 

But, until then, I will try to move closer to the exit doors of the grocery store. It might start with pacing the aisle, then moving to a new aisle, then pacing the front of the store, until finally, the wind will whip my hair from my face and the sun will kiss my cheeks to say welcome back. 

It might help to focus on the small details, setting small goals for each week. Right now, I can look for a bright pink box in the aisle, and the week after that a green flag, and keep going looking for small excitements. 

There is so much I will do once I reach the freedom of the outdoors. Beach days, boat rides, shopping trips, and many days lazing by the pool with a book in hand await me. 

Even though I have much to look forward to, if I keep dreaming of summer and freedom, I will miss the few good things happening now in the strict regime of my routine. I can bide my time by trying new things and doing my best to find ways to bend the mold I am currently stuck in. 

So, I will take my time calming down the crying kid and look at every box of candy and every toy in the aisles of the grocery store. I will focus on every small detail and conversation, and I will find a way to bask in the joy of one moment every day until I can bask in the joy of the sun instead. 

It will get easier to wake up.

It will get easier to do my homework.

It will get easier to pay attention in class. 

It will get easier to care.