It’s that time of year again. Everyone is saying goodbye. The seniors are graduating. It’s hard. It’s sad. It’s awful. I don’t like saying goodbye. I prefer to say ‘see you later’ because it gives hope.

There’s hope that maybe one day I will see everyone later. It’s not a definitive goodbye. It’s not forever. It’s only for a little while, and I prefer it that way. I don’t like permanent. It’s scary. ‘See you later’ is temporary.

Goodbye is hard for me even if it’s just for a little while. It’s a separation anxiety thing, but there are only a few people that I get anxious about leaving.

My best friend is graduating and moving eleven hours away. That makes me anxious. I don’t like how far it is. There’s no way I can help her if she’s eleven hours away. If something happens, all I can do is call her. I don’t like that.

My brother lives five hours away. I was so scared when he left. I was afraid that something was going to happen to him. I thought he would get hurt, or that there would be a catastrophic event, and I wouldn’t be able to do anything at all. I don’t talk to him as often as I should, but I know that he’s okay. That doesn’t stop me from worrying, though.

I can’t explain it. I know that everything is going to be okay, but my brain likes to come up with the worst possible scenarios and convince me that they’ll happen. I worry about people I love, and if they’re far away, it’s worse.

I still don’t like leaving my parents, even at fifteen years old. I am going to a conference for a week this summer, in another state, and I guarantee that I am going to cry when they drop me off. I worry that something will happen.

That’s why this time of year is so hard for me. I’m saying goodbye. It will be a forever goodbye for some people. I know that. There are some people that I just won’t ever see again, but there are some people that will be a ‘see you later.’ There are people that will keep coming back.

I don’t like to say goodbye. I prefer to hope that I’ll see you later.