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The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The incomplete dictionary of my mind

The+millions+of+words+once+thought+up+in+someones+head%2C+each+one+with+its+own+impact%3B+what+I+hope+my+writing+can+be+for+someone
Addie Woltil
The millions of words once thought up in someone’s head, each one with it’s own impact; what I hope my writing can be for someone

“For someone who loved words as much as I did, it was amazing how often they failed me” (Rio 211).

This quote fully encapsulates my life. There are endless words strewn across my mind at any given moment, yet the moment I try to search through the dust-ridden shelves they are piled on, I can never find the perfect fit. 

Throughout the inner depths of my mind are half-finished poems, never quite poetic enough, never entirely with the words I need to express what I feel.                      

Quite simply, I think the words don’t exist. 

I think that no matter how long I search, there will always be a gap in my knowledge; in my compendium of the words I hear in passing, the words I’m surely pronouncing wrong because they’ve only ever been read. Each word holds a unique beauty and complexity that I could describe infinitely better if only I had the perfect words.

If I could invent my own words, there would be one that would perfectly describe the feeling you get on a cozy autumn day, staring out the window at the colorful, falling leaves etched into the sky. There would be a word for the feeling I have when I make my coffee just right and know I won’t be able to replicate it the next day. There would be a perfect word for the pure, unadulterated love of life.

I’m glad I can’t invent words for these things.

I think if I had the perfect word to describe everything, it would lose its perfection. I believe it’s better when some things in life are left unexplained: a scribbled thought trailing off at the bottom of a paper, an unfinished poem lying in the depths of my brain.

I love them in their entirety and in the way they flow through my fingers and onto a page to effortlessly capture my ephemeral thoughts and wonderings of a moment in time, now forever embellished on something concrete.

Words let me down, but they are all I have. I love them in their entirety and in the way they flow through my fingers and onto a page to effortlessly capture my ephemeral thoughts and wonderings of a moment in time, now forever embellished on something concrete.

They give me self-expression and life; they strip down my tornado of thoughts to the bare workings of my mind and remind me what I love about my life. They resuscitate me and put the air in my lungs and blood through my heart, and I hope they need me as much as I need them.

I hope every scribble and half thought I jot down on a piece of paper makes a mark on the world. I hope that every story I write makes someone’s day just a little bit better. I hope my words can someday send a butterfly effect out into the world that is greater than myself.

Words fail me, but I love them. My love for them is untarnished and sacred because I need the words I think and speak and write to live. Filling every cluttered corner and shadow of my mind are the stories I swore I would finish, texts I wish I had the courage to send, words I long for the bravery to put out into the world, and thoughts that are there just for me. 

I love my imperfect words and my lack of them simply because they are mine.

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About the Contributor
Addie Woltil, Copy Editor
Addie Woltil is a sophomore entering her second year writing for The Central Trend. She is excited about another year of writing on staff and more to come. In her free time, she enjoys hanging out with friends, going to the mall, and watching overrated reality TV shows. She loves ending her day in room 139 and can't wait for what's next. Favorite fruit: Mango Favorite TV show: How I Met Your Mother Favorite day of the year: July 24th

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  • M

    Mary Beth StarrettNov 13, 2023 at 9:46 pm

    Perfection in its imperfection (which nobody sees but you, dearest Addie!) Your use of words is so lovely, interesting, fascinating, moving, surprising, amusing…. (I’d go on and on, but words fail me!😃💖💖💖

    Reply
  • B

    BeppeNov 13, 2023 at 8:43 pm

    You found all the right words to express yourself in this article. Love it!

    Reply