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The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

Musings of a pessimistic idealist: for yet another year

Musings+of+a+pessimistic+idealist%3A+for+yet+another+year
Saniya Mishra

If I were to trace some words onto paper to curl up into a wrinkly taquito to tuck into the plastic water bottle decked out in a mosaic of colored tissue paper that I have called my personal time capsule since the third grade to open again after another orbit of the earth only to find the words I had once committed to but long ago ceased to attempt, I would say I am just fooling myself for yet another year. 

Not once has that method ever worked for me, so if I am to have any change at all, let it be that I stray from the maddening of no end. 

That is one change I am certain I can commit to. Really, it does become rather simple to not engage than to engage, but more often than not, the lack of engagement leads me to a wide field of tall grains, each a fruit of my regret and each growing by every passing thought that once again meets that unwise moment.

Then, is it better to commit, even to a fruitless field, rather than face the alternative?

I imagine tomorrow to be another today: a bit different, maybe a bit worse, maybe a bit better. If that is the case, then tomorrow’s tomorrow would be even more so different, maybe even more so worse, maybe even more so better. Same for a tomorrow a week from today, a month from today. Then, a tomorrow a year’s time later would hold an entirely new face. I could pass by it without a single thought that, yes, that is the same form, the same version of what I once walked by myself. 

If the tomorrows are so unique from each other, then certainly so would every possibility that each one holds, every possibility for a change in season, change in expectations, change in heart, change in action.

If the tomorrows are so unique from each other, then certainly so would every possibility that each one holds, every possibility for a change in season, change in expectations, change in heart, change in action. 

Since it is better to commit, even to a fruitless field, rather than face the alternative, I find that commitments are not so foolish after all. It was only foolish for me to excuse what I did not want to engage in as a mad endeavor. Mad or not mad, crazy or sane, I will tuck away this note into a wrinkly taquito capsuled into the bottle plastered with an odd assortment of decorations for yet another year.

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About the Contributor
Saniya Mishra, Copy-Editing Manager
Saniya Mishra is a senior, writing for her third and final year on staff, busied by her many passions. She is an artist who cares deeply about the world. But there's one love she especially enjoys, loses herself in completely, only to resurface with a newfound perspective and a couple hundred words vomited on a Google Doc. Ever since third grade, she's fallen head over heels for writing. It is her escape. It is her adventure. It is her everything. Favorite writers: Ruta Sepetys, Amanda Gorman Favorite books: 1984 by George Orwell, Salt to the Sea Ruta Sepetys, I'll Give You The Sun Jandy Nelson, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins Favorite colors: maroon, emerald, navy blue, lavender Favorite songs: "hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me" by Lana Del Rey, "Can I Call You Tonight?"  by Dayglow, and "Growing Sideways" by Noah Kahan

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