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The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

My jewelry box: rock

Juliana Lieuwen
A photo of a place where I was able to live in the moment instead of regretting past choices.

I am stuck in the clouds but also firmly planted on the ground.

I hate cheese but love macaroni and cheese. 

I am the loudest in the room but also the quietest. 

I am indecisive but also make decisions in a split second. 

I love being surrounded by people and also enjoy time alone. 

My whole life feels like a juxtaposition, full of contrasting stances and feelings. I can never seem to fully take one side or the other but rather find myself sitting right in the middle. 

There are times when I am able to take one extreme side or the other; oftentimes, though, especially for the more mundane things, I feel a strong pull toward both sides of the spectrum. For simple tasks, I can never seem to make a decision. Maybe it’s the people-pleaser in me, for if someone asks me where I want to eat, I can never seem to make up my mind, so I usually just settle with the answer, “I don’t care, you pick.” This is my go-to answer because I don’t want to upset anyone or pick an option they secretly hate; there are also so many different options and my mind can never seem to settle on just one. 

For the bigger, more important decisions such as a large purchase, I make up my mind in a matter of seconds. I don’t know why the more impactful choices seem to be clearer in my mind, but they do.

I usually am a fairly grounded person and tend to see things the way they are, no matter how harsh; however, some have told me that I seem like I have my head in the clouds. 

I am caught between two hard rocks that seem impossible to move or break.

I feel stuck.

I am constantly being pulled in two directions, and I never know which one to choose. People are constantly noticing different traits of mine, but everything they notice is the opposite of what I was told moments prior. I get told so many contrasting things about myself that I don’t even know what is true.

I try to shape and mold myself to be what everyone expects, what everyone wants me to be, but I am at the point where I don’t know what that is anymore. 

When I was younger, I had a future all planned out in my head that seemed perfect and clear; as time has gone on, that picture has blurred, and I don’t know what I want anymore. 

My wants and needs are intertwined with the expectations of others, so I find myself trying to please everyone but also trying to meet all of my own needs. I am caught between two hard rocks that seem impossible to move or break. 

There are two sides of my mind, always fighting and arguing with one another, never seeming to be able to compromise or settle on a decision. Logically, I know that what I need is more important than what others want from me, but that logic never seems to be present when I need it. In the minuscule amount of times that it is present, I simply dismiss it so that I don’t upset anyone. 

I put things off until the very last moment when the decision is shoved right up in my face, and I never make the right choice. I always find myself looking back, wishing that I had chosen the other option. I agonize over the question of “what if?” 

Each decision, no matter how big or how small it may seem, can change the course of my life. 

Oftentimes I look back and wonder, “What if I had just picked the other choice?”

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About the Contributor
Juliana Lieuwen
Juliana Lieuwen, Staff Writer
Juliana is a junior entering her first year on The Central Trend. She loves sunsets and spending time with her rabbit Snickers. When she isn't at school you can find her at 5 High Farms, the place where she rides horses. Juliana is also on the FHC Equestrian team and is busy with that in the fall. She loves to sing and dance to music by Taylor Swift. When she isn't busy with horses or school, she loves drawing, hanging out with friends, and shopping. She is so excited to be writing for The Central Trend this year. Favorite food: Sushi Favorite color: Hot Pink Her pets: Two chickens, one cat, one dog, one bunny Favorite song: "You Belong with Me" by Taylor Swift Favorite numbers: 3 and 7

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