The thought of leaving my current life frightens me more than anything.
The idea that one day, my lifelong companion may no longer live next door and that we might never see each other again is terrifying.
The dreaded thought that soon I won’t be able to walk into my mother’s bedroom with tears welling in my eyes over the smallest inconveniences in my life is overwhelming. Her bedroom will no longer be next to mine; no more teasing and bickering about which cat is our favorite. Although my smartphone will always be with me, and I can always call her, it won’t be the same. Her warm presence cannot be felt through a phone call, and her beautiful smile cannot be seen through a text message.
I dread thinking about a life where my sister won’t be next to me every night. Our Jack-and-Jill-connected bedrooms will no longer be “connected” the day I leave, and while my bedroom will still be there, I will not. I still have two years left, but knowing these are among the last moments we will spend together won’t be the same.
My exaggerated emotional episodes in my bedroom will lack their essence in Harlowe’s absence. Although many cats are often seen as hostile or unfriendly, Harlowe, my cat, is my everything. Dexter, on the other hand, has a very different appeal. Although he has favored my father since he first stepped into my home, he will always be my favorite ginger feline. The thought of a life without my two cats is not a life worth living, and adapting to a completely different lifestyle that I have not yet lived scares me more than anything.
Every day, amidst all the stress I carry, the fear of leaving my current life and adapting to a new routine scares me more than anything. And even though I can bring many of my belongings, it won’t be the same. It will never resemble a life where my mother is always there for me and my best friend is within walking distance. A life where my sister is just a few steps away, and though it can be extremely irritating at times, letting go of this life will be harder than anything.
Although college is years away, and I cannot be more excited to encounter new classmates and create new friendships with people outside of my small town, it will never replace the memories I once made here. Whether it was in my bedroom or across the country, the countless unforgettable memories I made with the people I love most in my life will never be replaced, and it is difficult to remember that one day, they will not always be right next door to me. A life away from my family and loved ones is unimaginable: the thought of it is not even comprehendible.
The thought of changing my bedroom, where I spend almost every day of my life with my most loved and prized possessions, will one day be nothing more than a guest bedroom.
