I don’t know what I’m doing


There’s been a ticking time bomb attached to my head for past 3 months. I always feel its presence, whether that be right in front of me or in the back of my mind.

While I don’t know much about it, I understand I have to defuse it before it goes off and it is too late. What is this bomb? College. As a senior, I am attempting to piece together the next four years of my life and possibly my whole future. Some students find their dream college and know their major freshman year of high school. Me? I’m a senior and I have no idea where I want to call home. My plan for my future is non-existent.

This summer, like every other senior, I went on college visits in hopes of figuring out where I would like to go to school next year. Instead of having that moment of clarity, I became more confused. The schools I thought I would not like I ended up loving, the schools I thought I would love were okay in my mind, and I even considered looking at schools I had never thought of before.

Not only do I not have an idea as to where I want to go to college, but I also don’t have the slightest idea as to what I want to major in. Some days I think maybe I could be an athletic trainer; others, a lawyer; or maybe even a scientist. I feel like a toddler who is constantly playing dress-up for their future career, which changes every other day.

I know, people say it’s okay to not know what you’re doing, but why doesn’t it feel okay to me? All of my friends seem to be figuring it out, but I’m not. I have no idea in the slightest when this fog will clear and I will be able to see what I’m doing. All I know is that I have to figure it out soon.

At this point, I really have no idea where life will take me. As I continue to hear the clock in my head ticking down and losing time, I will try my hardest to not let it affect me. All I can do is try to figure it out before the clock hits zero.