Kelsey,

As the holiday season creeps near, and family time becomes more frequent, I realized something.

You’re my best friend.

As we shop for pointless gifts for my family, the laughs we share fill me with happiness. The life within your eyes is vibrant and happy; everything is a test that you have to score 100% on. You have been my biggest role model since I have been able to walk; since then, it has snowballed into something greater.

Your sparkling, shining smile warms my heart. Your laugh reminds me of myself. Your singing reminds me of the good things in life. Your dark brown eyes remind me of all the mystery in the world.

Although we may constantly fight over clothes and other pointless things, I don’t know what I would do without you in my life. As cliche as that sounds, I wonder what it would be like if I didn’t have my crazy, annoying, older sister growing up right beside me. Who would be sent to the small, uncomfortable chair with me for a timeout? Who would pull my hair in the back seat? Who would drive my mom insane like the Mad Hatter? Who would steal all my clothes?

In two years, you will leave me for college—leaving me home alone with Mom and Dad. Wherever you chose to go, in whatever state or city, I hope it is amazing. Even though college may seem far away, it seems unsettling close to me. To think that you won’t be right across the hallway from me scares me half to death. Knowing that when I go into the bathroom your toothbrush won’t be sitting there, and your countless makeup products will not be sprawled across the messy counter. Knowing that, eventually, I will come home from school and your music won’t be pounding in my ears tears at my heart.

All our 23-hour road trips on spring break will come to a halt. The bickering and fighting will stop. The loud car jamming will cease to exist. The worst of all is that my lifelong best friend will leave me.

The best thing I can do now is to cherish the moments we have together. The rare times when we are home together are diminishing. Driving in the car with you while music blares through the speakers is the highlight of my week—along with the small shopping trips after school and the quick fast-food runs.

We are almost the same person, which sometimes creates more issues than it solves. Neither of us wants to be wrong, and neither of us will admit that we are wrong.

Overall, I don’t tell you enough, but I do appreciate the countless rides you give me and clothes you let me wear. I really don’t know how I would get by without you. I’ve never been alone doing anything, and because you are a year older, you have laid the blueprint for my life.

You make my life unquestionably more entertaining and adventurous. Without you, I would be a completely different person. Every day you push me to become the better version of myself, even if that involves blackmailing me or sitting on me. I am so lucky to have a sister as a amazing as you.

Although it may not seem like it, I really do love you.

Kelsey Toole, thank you for being my best friend that doubles as my older sister.