I have grappled at straws and rearranged every word in a million different variations in an attempt to make this seem more artistic than it is. Still, no combination of phrases could ever sum up my unique love for LaCroix.

Whether it be with my legs dangling off the deep end of a dock or in the winter months when the sun leaves the Earth blanketed in a layer of snow, LaCroix follows me throughout these moments. It is my beverage of choice, the one drink I could never get tired of, and the unique comfort product that I’m willing to take an unmatched amount of hate for. 

Yet, for the first years of my life, I resented sparkling water. I hated the abrasive bubbles that ambushed my throat and the vague varieties of flavor that completely blurred the line between soda and water.

However, by some sudden shift in the space-time continuum, high school began, and I fell in love with LaCroix. Everything I had once hated about it became something I adored, and I gained a detailed understanding of the best and worst flavors; those that are a total waste of time, exertion, and money, and then those that are perfectly ambrosial and carbonated. 

Peach-Pear—

Bubbles: 7 out of 10

Flavor: 3 out of 10

While I roughly recollect my first experience with sparkling water being a muddled lemon, I also vaguely remember pulling a Peach-Pear LaCroix from one of the coolers at Target, excited to try something new. It was a few moments later, in the passenger seat of my mother’s car, that I took one sip and audibly reacted with a straight to the point, “That was awful.” 

Overall, this flavor has always been a let down for me. Whether it be the strange combination of separately piquant tastes or the fuller and less compacted bubbles, I do not often find myself reaching for Peach-Pear. Though I have nothing against those who adore this flavor, I would have to say it’s one of my least favorites, reminding me a bit too much of aromatic soap. 

If LaCroix made unconnected beverages for both peach and pear, I believe it would go off without a hitch. However, until then, I will not be drinking the combination without a substantial fight. 

Pastèque (watermelon)—

Bubbles: 6 out of 10

Flavor: 4 out of 10

This was a flavor I had yet to hear about until one of my favorite YouTubers, Danny Gonzalez, tried it during his LaCroix tier list video, and though he gave it a negative rating, I knew I had to seek it out. 

Though pastèque smelled fragrantly of watermelon, I got a mouthful of rind upon taking a sip instead of the sweetness of the actual fruit. Though I was not necessarily upset, it was contrary to what I was searching for in a watermelon LaCroix, primarily because this flavor is one of my favorites for other sparkling water brands, such as Bubly. 

On top of this, pastèque follows a trend in certain LaCroix flavors because it seems to flatten quicker than desired. While the bubbles waver for the first couple of minutes, they are gone before you can finish the can, which is frankly sort of disappointing.

Coconut—

Bubbles: 6 out of 10

Flavor: 5.5 out of 10

The general consensus on Coconut LaCroix is either it gives you life or takes it away. I know certain people who would probably die for this flavor and others who will go to their grave swearing that it’s the worst thing they’ve ever tasted. Like with most contentious issues besides politics and home decor, in which I swing far one direction or the other, I would say that I’m sort of in the middle. 

Coconut was honestly a favorite of mine for most of the freshman year, it being the flavor that I reached for most. I used to enjoy the lack of bubbles and sort of laundry-detergent-esque taste significantly, but now it sort of falls flat. Though I would never snub this flavor a second chance, I would also not adamantly recommend it to anyone, specifically those switching from soda to sparkling water and searching for a welcome introduction.  

LimonCello—

Bubbles: 7.5 out of 10

Flavor: 6 out of 10

Upon announcing to my sister that I was crafting this experiment, she lovingly referred to the taste of LimonCello as “eating lemon meringue and then someone spits in your mouth.” Though I would say that this was a bit dramatic, at the time, I agreed with the analysis. I had drunk my first LimonCello while eating dinner, and the shock I received in this indistinctly sweet flavor rocked my world, and not in a good way. 

However, when I sat down to write this evaluation, I decided to give LimonCello another shot, and I was pleasantly surprised. While it sounds pretentious and honestly a bit ridiculous, I would describe this flavor as a dessert LaCroix. Unlike other options described above, this flavor is a perfect transition between saccharine beverages such as soda to drinks like bubbly water. 

Tangerine and Passionfruit—

Bubbles: 8.5 out of 10

Flavor: 7 out of 10

Being some of the first flavors I fell in love with, these variations of LaCroix hold a similarly lovely yet obscure place in my heart. Though I have nothing against their profile of tanginess and tranquility, there is something about tangerine and passionfruit that does not hit the mark as high as it used to. That is why I have to rate them in a similarly moderate category. 

Hi-Biscus!—

Bubbles: 8.5 out of 10

Flavor: 9 out of 10

Out of every can of LaCroix I’ve sipped on over the past four years, there is something about the title of Hi-Biscus! that absolutely gets me. Maybe it is the dash between the two phrases and how it seems like the can itself is saying hello. Perhaps it is the exclamation mark they added to the end of the title or the way I imagine the executives coming up with it and chuckling to themselves as they did so.

Contrary to the title’s amiableness, however, I would claim that Hi-Biscus! is a taste for LaCroix connoisseurs. The flavor is overwhelmingly floral, the carbonation besieged and powerful. I cannot quite describe this taste besides saying that it is a favorite in my family, and we often return to it. If in the market for something unique and botanical, I could not recommend Hi-Biscus! any higher. 

Pamplemousse (grapefruit) and Lime—

Bubbles: 9 out of 10

Flavor: 10 out of 10

I cannot count the innumerable amount of Pamplemousse LaCroix I must have consumed through months of staying home and staying safe. While the effervescence provides that “getting punched in the throat” feeling I search for, the flavor is contrastingly refreshing and light. I truly believed that, no matter how many new flavors I tried, nothing would be a carbon-copy of my tried and true flavor.

Then—despite my infinite LaCroix knowledge—I tasted lime just a few days ago for what was disgracefully the first time, and it truly exceeded all my expectations. Though this flavor is relatively straightforward, it provides the fresh and bubbly vignette that I seek to find in sparkling water. 

Similar to my inability to put my love for LaCroix into words, I cannot quite grasp the truly thirst-quenching and revitalizing tastes of Pamplemousse and Lime. They will always be my go-to’s, and the flavors that I could not endorse enough.