In English class, we have been talking about tired words.

What is a tired word? It’s a word that is used too often and worn out. It’s words like nice, bad, and big. Words like small, great, and good. We struggle with finding another sophisticated word to replace the tired word. This is why, in my writing, I have to use a thesaurus to discover replacement words. This is also why my answers sound boring when someone asks me how I’m doing. All I say is, “Oh I’m good,” or “I’m fine.” Why don’t I express myself and mention that my day was outstanding, exceptional, or marvelous? Why can’t I speak up and tell them that my day was horrendous, lousy, or dreadful?

With all of these stereotypical words, the most overused word in my vocabulary is sorry. There are countless times I have used sorry and didn’t mean it; I’m only saying it because I feel bad about something I shouldn’t or because I’m apologizing for someone else’s actions. 

At times I get frustrated and agitated with people to the point where I say sorry and I don’t mean it. It comes out of my mouth in a sarcastic or angry tone. 

I am told that after an argument, sorry is polite to say. I feel I should say sorry after getting very upset with someone, so my brain naturally thinks to tell the person that I am sorry, but do I mean it? I probably don’t. Sorry means that I won’t do it again. If I’m still irritated and not considerate about what has happened, then I shouldn’t be apologizing. 

Telling someone that I’m sorry when I don’t intend to, is lying and makes not only other people agitated, but also myself. 

At times, I also spill out the word sorry when someone else is furious at me. It’s not because I’m weak overall, but it’s my weakest spot. Yelling or speaking in a stern tone causes me to break down. I can not speak up for myself or put myself against them, the voice inside of me is telling me that if I say something snotty back they’ll go against me over and over. 

When people that I love are mad at me my natural reaction is to cry, hug them until I stop, and say sorry a billion times, even though I may have not done anything wrong. I apologize for other people’s hurtful words and actions. This is just who I am. I think I am in the wrong for what others do to me. Am I ashamed of this trait? Yes. Do I wish I dared to separate myself from this? Yes.  

This is why I need people in my life who are caring. Caring about my bad day, hugging me until I stop crying, and thinking first before they say things. Even telling me politely to stop overusing the tired word “sorry.” 

Sorry is not a word that I should throw around anymore. No more tired words, especially that one. In English class, I will add sorry to my mental list.