I can’t begin to account for all of the times I have faked exasperation for the sake of a little kid. 

They challenge me to a race and then take off. Their tiny, uncoordinated legs flail, and I make an attempt to run suspiciously close to their back in case they confuse their legs beneath them and end up falling on their butts.

In the end, you always let them smack the wall standing in as the finish line first to build their self-esteem, and as you fake breathlessness and begin to tell them just how fast they are, they take off again. 

Truly, I don’t remember being taught this custom; it is one that has always been assumed. Sure, I can recall my mom instructing us to ‘go easy on the little ones’ as she sent us off to neighborhood gatherings; however, it was never surely established that this is how we were set to act. 

‘Sore losers’ is a quite common term in sports and all competitive aspects of life. It seems to be somewhat of a learned behavior, and I have begun to wonder how much this fuels from one’s childhood. 

In your earliest years, your brain is still developing and understanding how to interpret the world. Adversity in experience enables the brain to invent coping mechanisms so that in the future, you have built up such a skill set.

Losing is no exception to this.  

Not only is consistently not losing detrimental to developing skills but always winning has its own set of consequences for the primitive brain. Constant victory—especially by rigged means—instills a false sense of superiority and inflates a child’s ego. 

Now, this may not seem all bad; isn’t it important to build up children’s self-esteem? Yes, this is not to be looked past in these integral years, but always winning poses major risks in the future, and there are only a few ways to curb this consequence. Esteem, on the other hand, can be built in many other ways. 

To replace this custom of deliberate loss, there are a few suitable solutions.

For one, play games where a child has an equal opportunity to succeed. Because of obvious factors such as leg length and coordination, most children have no shot at truly winning a footrace with anyone in full control of all of their limbs. Many children will even know that you are faster, giving them a false sense of control over you, when, even though respect is important, they shouldn’t feel this way. Be sure not to embarrass them, so maybe run a little slower, still maintaining a lead. If they continue to ask for a race, fake a fall so they understand they have a chance. Or, to avoid all of this, play games that rely on luck or skill to provide an equal playing field for all participants. 

These solutions will avoid tears or hard feelings, but they won’t enable children to accept loss, which has been my point the entire time. To achieve this, inevitably, it comes down to how you handle a loss with a little kid. 

Avoid name-calling with things like ‘sore loser.’ Try and portray to kids that it is okay to feel upset or disappointed. Praise effort as much as you can apart from the result. Place importance on the fun they likely had, even if they lost.

Personally, it will never be in my nature to blow past a little kid in a race; morally, I am not sure if I ever will be able to. Really, in the end, that is okay. Occasionally, it is fine to place second on purpose as long as it is not all the time. Understanding winning with grace is just as important as its counter; nonetheless, it is important not to make this a habit with children. 

For the sake of a child’s future, it is important that they learn to process and accept the loss. A loss in a yard game or coloring contest won’t affect them for life, with a few tears resulting in the current at most.