I told myself I would live during the month of March.

I told myself that, no matter what, I wouldn’t get engulfed by every taxing chore that took up my life.

Yet, that is exactly what is happening to me.

It’s getting worse again. I struggle to wake up once more. I fight to keep my eyes open during the first few hours of my day.

I’m trying so hard to live, but it’s getting difficult.

I spend every night in my bedroom, surrounded by books, notes, and highlighters, staying up until the early hours of the morning trying to get everything done for the next school day after a busy afternoon.

I can’t focus anymore. My attention is constantly on the future—the consistent sun, the weekly beach trips, and driving with the windows down every day—rather than trying to make the days in front of me better. 

In like a lion, they say.

The beginning of March is always the worst, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. They say that it gets better in the second half, but I tell myself it is only going to get worse. I am only getting busier, and my entire spring break consists of solely thinking about my future. 

I tell myself that I am only going to get more tired. The dark circles are only going to become more prominent on my face. I will continue to get asked questions.

Every day, I wait for it all to get easier; I wait for the stress to lift off my shoulders, and I wait for the days when my smile is consistent, but the day has yet to come. All I am is excited for the plans I will one day make, rather than what I am doing right now.

They say things will get easier soon, and I am forcing myself to believe them.

If I don’t believe them, then I will allow myself to be engulfed by the taxing days I am living through right now. By believing them, I will be able to look forward to the future while living exuberantly in the present.

Out like a lamb, they say.

January through March are my least favorite months, but I am almost done. Seventeen more days until I can breathe again. I say I am living right now, but I will thrive once again in a mere two weeks.

In like a lion, out like a lamb.