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The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

The Student Voice of Forest Hills Central

The Central Trend

I long for immature love

This is the blind giddiness of a relationship that I dream of having
This is the blind giddiness of a relationship that I dream of having

I have many crushes.

A hallway crush, a childhood crush. A crush for half of my classes. A studio crush and a returning crush.

Most of these people haven’t spoken a word to me, and I don’t talk to them—save for a whispered question in a class or that one time I offered Studio Crush a cookie. I don’t plan on attempting to initiate any of these trivial hopes in the near future. Or any time, for that matter. Why would I risk the comfort of my loneliness for someone I know so little about? 

I wish I were pretty so I could. So there wouldn’t be any risk. 

These admirations are only musings, daydreams of someone who knows she will likely never get to experience the puppy love that she witnesses in films. I long to be loved; I yearn for the hopeless, naive infatuation of a teenage relationship. 

I see actresses on screen in love. They have easy, unwavering smiles, and they never look past the light of their relationships. They are childishly blinded by love. They are perfect; they are perfectly optimistic and compliant. 

I know it’s acting. I know it’s silly. But for some reason, I desire that love.

I want to be so full of love that vivacious energy pulses through my veins and radiates from my fingertips, casting warm rays of youthful enthusiasm everywhere I go. Maybe then, my face would carry a natural beam instead of a downturned, wistful expression. 

For some reason, I feel like a relationship might provide this feeling to me. I’m happy now. I’m grateful for everything I have—but I can’t help but be unsatisfied. I crave romance and passion and someone who would make me feel pretty. Someone who would make me feel like I didn’t have to be embarrassed of being loud or enthusiastic.

I want to be pretty enough that my excitement isn’t annoying.

I want to be pretty enough that my excitement isn’t annoying. 

Sadly, I am not the type of girl for this situation to happen. I think I am pretty. My mom says so, and my sister says so. My friends say so. But I am not pretty for a boy. Maybe it’s because I’m so tall, or too angular, or quiet, or loud, or weird. But the day I am good enough for one of my silly little crushes is the day that pigs fly. 

I’m secure in my romance-deprived life; I like having an unhurt and unbruised dignity. I’m perfectly safe in my isolation. But at what cost?

So I have a few crushes, sure. Sue me. It’s nice to think that someone might like me or at least dream about a relationship so I can act like I don’t desperately need one.

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About the Contributor
Micah McClarty
Micah McClarty, Junior Writer
Micah is a freshman who has just recently joined The Central Trend. She has been passionate about writing for as long as she can remember and is so excited to work with the rest of The Central Trend's amazing staff. Aside from school, she plays the piano both independently and in a band alongside some of her best friends. She has recently started playing both the electric and acoustic guitars and wants to continue to learn new instruments. Aside from music, Micah spends her time rewatching Community and messing around with her younger siblings. She is so thrilled to write alongside her TCT classmates in room 139. Her favorite Band: The Backseat Lovers and Weezer Her Lucky Number: 2 Her Comfort Movie: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Ratatouille Her Favorite President: Gerald R. Ford

Comments (3)

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  • M

    Maylee OhlmanNov 9, 2023 at 12:45 pm

    micah!!! this is sooo beautifully written, you are so talented and lovely <3

  • A

    Addie McDowellNov 8, 2023 at 1:31 pm

    Micah, I literally love this so much. You are an amazing writer and this whole thing is so relatable!!

  • B

    Brenna edginNov 7, 2023 at 5:21 pm

    Micah, I just wanted to take a moment to express my appreciation for your honesty and vulnerability. I can relate to everything you’ve shared, and I find your openness admirable. I believe that everyone desires something similar to what you’ve described, and I’m no exception.

    I also want to acknowledge how amazing you are as a person. You have a kind and sweet nature, and your constant happiness is infectious. Your remarkable empathy towards others and your contagious laugh and bright smile always manage to light up the room. I believe that you, of all people, deserve to be loved, and I do not doubt that someone extraordinary will come along and appreciate you for who you are.