Everything is about to change, even more than it already has.
Soon, I’ll be leaving to somewhere bigger and brighter, but will I be able to change? Will I be able to keep up with those around me?
I have always dreamed of a life where I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to. I will have that in a matter of time, but at what cost? I’m leaving behind what I’ve known for my whole life, changing everything that has brought me to where I am today.
There will be a whole new environment that I have never experienced before. I will have to learn new places, faces, and much more before I can actually feel as comfortable in my daily routine as I do now.
I hate change, always have and probably always will. Change means that I have to learn a new way of living, even after I just did so. I am horrified that everything will change too much, and I won’t be able to handle it. It’ll take over me like it did before. I know I will do it, but I don’t know how long it will take.
Instead of “having to”, I have changed yet another thing in my mind to rather say “getting to”. When will all of this change stop, there is so much. Somewhere deep in my mind, I know that these changing experiences will lead to a better life, but I don’t know if I’m fully ready to admit that.
I have never dealt with change well, especially ones this catastrophic. If I mess up the next eight years, it will all be for nothing. Scary, right? All I can think about is how important my actions are for the rest of my life, there are no excuses for the decisions I make. Even when those decisions are made at times this detrimental for my future. Everything rides on me doing the right thing, especially with all the changes.
I have been told my whole life that everything happens for a reason, including the changes. Sometimes, I wish it didn’t, but I know there is no wishing upon what has already been done; It’s all set in stone.
Although, when I think about it, I wouldn’t be on this path of new change without the changes that came before. So, maybe I am grateful, but probably not.
I know it’s bad to hope that everything could stay the same, nothing and no one moves on with their lives just so I can keep my comfort, but that unfortunately is not the case. I have to learn how to accept that things are changing, and learn to live with the fact that my life will never be the same again.
As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t live my life without having the thing I hate the most: change.
