I am always tired

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I am always tired.

I’m always moving, always driving, always doing something. I never take a break. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting.

Between practice every night and some weekends, homework reaching an all-time-high with the end of the school year on the horizon, and trying to make time to do something fun every once in awhile, I am almost never doing nothing. Even if I’m just running to Meijer to pick up a few things for my family, or sitting at home doing my homework, I am always doing something.

Ever since I got my license, my life has been an endless spiral of doing everything, all the time, always. My days begin at 6:40 a.m. every morning, and ends anywhere between midnight and 1:00 a.m. Simply put, it’s taxing.

I can’t remember a time where I would get eight hours of sleep every night. I can’t remember a time where I sat down and had dinner with my family every night. I can’t remember a time where I woke up in the morning feeling refreshed and energized.

I am tired.

I never stop moving – on the go, all the time. Sometimes, I think it’s exactly what I always wanted. Independence, freedom, and a life where I don’t have to be bored. On other days, I despise it. I just want a day off – one day off, just to sit and do absolutely nothing.

Realistically, I will never stop moving. There’s too much to do, too much to see, and I don’t want to spend my life locked in my room doing nothing. Some days I feel like I need a break, but I want to experience the world more.

I am tired, but I need to see the world. 

So I will keep moving. Keep seeing, keep doing, and I will experience until I feel I have lived.

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1 Comment

One Response to “I am always tired”

  1. Mary Vander Ploeg on May 29th, 2017 8:55 pm

    You want to experience the world more, but when you continue to race forward you are missing what is there now. Mindfulness, taking time for yourself, allowing yourself to slow down and experience not just the movement but the emotion that goes with them. The moments you race through will never return. Time with your family, experiencing the joy that comes into your life through your accomplishments and those of your friends should be savored. Each moment you live now will be wonderful memories that you can return to over the course of your life. Being independent is in your mind. If you are your own person, following your heart, you can be independent by deciding to take a half day for yourself. You are my favorite writer and will be supported no matter what pace you decide to live your life.

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