“They” say that I’m a fairly well-rounded student, bound to be considered more highly over other applicants. I’m not quite sure who they are, but this anonymous voice has made the piece of paper I hold in front of me the most tremendous struggle I have faced in my life.

Official Transcript: Forest Hills Public Schools.

On this paper, staring down at me, was my ticket to my future. Or rather, what could be the ticket to my future. I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around my future, or the part this sheet would play in it. Somewhere very soon, a scrupulous admissions representative would receive another paper that looked exactly like this one.

And would judge me based almost solely on it.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so upset with myself as I was the day I discovered that a B in the eighth grade science course would become a large part of my success later in life. The grades looking back at a perfectionist like me me seemed to be almost all mistakes. My future down the drain because of a bombed test in chemistry because I had forgotten the date.

Disappointment turned into anger the longer I thought about my failed efforts. Senior year was supposed to be the time of my life, a time of joy and carefree fun spending my remaining time with my friends before we parted ways…right?

Wrong. Or, wrong up to this point in the year. With early decision dates looming and seventh semester grades on the line, I’ve been filled with more anxiety than ever before. I know that there’s nothing I can do about it; I’ve submitted my applications and it’s out of my hands now.

So I hope, just like every other senior at this school and around the country, that someone miles away recieving my piece of paper, my potential ticket to a better future, will see beyond my high school transcript and recognize I’m much more than that. I’m a student with desires to become something better, something more than the ink-stained papers that have dictated my life. I’m a student who, according to the experts, is fairly well-rounded with acceptable test scores and class grades. According to me, there is not a single thing I would change about the C that I got on my chemistry exam when I was crying on the phone with a friend and they told me that I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my mental health for a better grade, or the moments I spent worrying about boys asking me to the dance, or even the arguments with friends. I’m a student who has tried her best and maybe the scrupulous admissions counselor won’t be able to see exactly how special I am based on the piece of paper that they’ve received on me; but at least when I’m done with this school, I can say I’ve truly lived.