We’re not who we used to be

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Lydia VanDeRiet

The flame to our friendship is still going, but I know I will have to blow it out one day.

It’s funny how a year can change everything.

We used to see each other every day. We would talk and laugh the day away and do it all over again the next.

We never got bored with each other. We could be playing pretend or just conversing and having laughing fits that left us out of breath for multiple days at a time; no matter what, we would willingly come back to each other the next morning.

At the end of our first “playdate,” I cried because I didn’t want our time together to end even though I knew we would see each other again the next day.

We always said that we would be friends forever, that we would always be joined at the hip. 

But that’s not the case anymore.

We’re not who we used to be. We grew up. I find myself reminiscing over our childish shenanigans, and I wonder when exactly it all ended; I don’t think there was a true ending to our story.

We’re not who we used to be. We grew up.”

It is not like the flame of our friendship has completely burned out, but it’s getting there—slowly dwindling down like sand in an hourglass.

We are two completely different people now with completely different lives. We used to be the two little weird kids both playing obscure games that only made sense to us. But now you’re popular with a huge friend group, and I am far from the top tier of popularity with a few close friends; what amazes me is how it can all happen in just one short year.

I could tell that our time together was fading. We didn’t talk as much, we weren’t at each other’s houses every day, and there were long periods of time when we did not contact one another at all. I tried to keep our spark alive, but whenever I asked if you were available, you always had plans. Eventually, I gave up. 

The flame may be dim, but we do still talk on occasion; it may not end up with us rolling on the floor, gasping for air, but I still enjoy them. We have never been on bad terms; we are just not who we used to be.  

I truly miss the relationship that we used to have—promise me, I do—but I do not spend my days brooding over what was. I too have moved on to what is now, and I am elated to have done so. 

I have gone places in my fourteen years and nine months on this earth, and I plan on doing much more. I have my own friends that I very much adore and plans that keep me busy. Many friendships have expiration dates, and I believe it was our time. I am okay with it, though; I know that our flame will one day blow out completely. By that time, we will both have moved on to become new people and discover new paths to life.

The little kids that we used to be are now two ghosts who trail behind and remind us of memories tucked away in the backs of our minds. I am thankful for the recollection of those moments we had together, and I think that I miss our relationship more than you ever had. I think I will be the one who will end up blowing out the flame. Neither of us is who we used to be, and I have always been terrified of letting go and seeking what is out there waiting for me.

But now I am ready.