I lose and gain people in my life. 

It happens too fast. It creeps up on me when I least expect it. The people that I become close with fade away, and I don’t seem to notice. 

I’ve never really experienced a person that I’ve known for all of my life passing away, but I have experienced friends, a family member, or even people that have had a minor impact on my life drifting away unexpectedly until they’re gone. 

I had a friend throughout seventh grade, and most of eighth grade, suddenly move away. Afterward, we seemed to slowly stop talking. There were no more FaceTime calls, Houseparty calls, or texts. It was all forgotten. I tried to keep the sadness in, but my friend was so far away, and I thought she seemed impossible to reach. 

I think about how this could happen to anyone I know now, someone that I talk to daily at school or text. Someone now could be slowly fading away from me, and I wouldn’t even realize until it was too late. 

The happiness that fills them when they get a text from me will incrementally disappear. The times of laughter, deep conversations, or silence will stop when it all comes to an end. No more FaceTimes that last throughout the night, talking about whatever might be going on in our minds. No more getting together and watching whatever we might find on YouTube or Netflix. No more hilarious inside jokes that only we can understand. No more anything with you. 

The slow loss of meaning behind an “I love you” hurts my heart. My stomach drops, and my gut is tense. The sweetest messages and the long conversations slowly evaporate into the air until it’s turned into nothing. It’s like talking to a wall when the responses are short or nonexistent. 

The friendships that I think will last a lifetime suddenly don’t. I’ve gone through the years, making new friends and losing the old. There’s just a point where a friendship gets bland, and the start of a new relationship comes to play. One day, it could be the end of our time spent together: the product of a lack of interest, a minor argument, or us simply moving on. 

Although I seem to lose people from time to time, pets also come and go. I’ve gone through many horses, cats, and fish, but for all I know, it’s part of life.

When I was little, I had a cat that passed away, but I didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t clear to me that pets and people sometimes come into our lives and suddenly leave. Now that I am older, I am more understanding of this. I understand the feelings of sorrow and loss.  

My biggest fear would have to be losing you. I couldn’t imagine a day without you by my side through a screen or even in person. The rest of my years passing by without you is a nightmare.

So I dream, and I hope that there will never be a day when I cannot reach you anymore, I’m not able to laugh at our jokes, or I’m not able to give you a hug.