2023

The numbers glisten in gold, and I feel the weight of their presence ground me in the spiraling chaos of life.

A year full of opportunities, decisions, and adventures with the ecstasy of graduating and starting a new chapter. These looming decisions seem colossal at the forefront of my mind. An endless sea of questions attempts to drown me, but I stay afloat by grabbing onto the moments of here and now. 

No matter the challenges and changes that 2023 is destined to bring, I’m determined to embrace every wave as it crashes upon my minimal control over the future. Navigating through these dangerous waters, I will no longer hesitate in the face of excitement. The destination may not be one of tranquility, but I will congratulate my courage nonetheless once I cross the divide. 

Some may eagerly flip through the final pages of this chapter; however, I do my best to restrain myself and fully absorb the story written out for me, for within every paragraph, colorful words are hidden, only waiting to be found by those worthy of them. 

In the face of avolition, I desperately cling to the moments that have meaning as they collide with those whose only purpose is to bring joy. The constant rhythms of life and presence will not fade away on my watch. 

The struggle through rhythms during zero hour; the chair revolution during lunch that only makes sense to two people; the passing time between first and second hour with an abundance of conversation; the car ride home. In these moments, I find solace in the everyday joys. 

My heart dancing for the secret smiles across the room, my eyes leaping for the next challenge, my mind celebrating just getting through one hour after the next. These mini congratulations may be excessive, but they work to stay present. 

Hope and anxiety simultaneously pin themselves on one moment in time while perseverance and dedication traverse through the entirety of the journey. Forests may burn, but healthy life springs up from the ash and reaches for the brightest future. 

This “new me” will strive to be the best one yet, compiling the work of the past into a still-flawed-yet-improved lifestyle. Meanwhile, an effort will be made to go easier on that which is flawed and find alternate methods of self-validation. 

This jumble of thoughts repeats itself, and wanting to end a monotonous cycle will only shift it into a new one—different color, same shape. Whatever color my life may paint for itself in 2023, I get to choose how to perceive it. Even if the light isn’t reflected, it’s absorbed, so I’ll absorb as much light as I can contain.

Thank you, 2023, for all the lessons you have yet to teach me, all the times you’ll push me out of my comfort zone, and every time you’ll bring me back home to remember what’s important.