Learning to let go


A lot of the time when one hears, “you need to let it go,” it is something very superficial. The topic of the conversation can range from a parent saying “no” to not getting the job you wanted to ten bucks falling out of your pocket. They are all things that are out of that person’s control. Sure, they could try to persuade the people they interact with to give them what they want. But, 99 times out of 100, it will fail. These things are superficial. They are things that should, in my opinion, leave a person’s mind in 24 hours to three days. Not a long time. In my mind, they are things that should not truly faze a person, and not put them into a “funk.” But people see these things as things that will “ruin their life.” That’s where it gets me.

When these things happen to me, I have had to learn to just let go.  There have been times in my life when I have been so deep in my own dark hole that all I could do was sit and laugh at my problems. They would just keep coming up. I would turn a corner, and there would be another one. I would sit and just laugh and say, “Are you kidding me?”  Another rope would harness my happiness.

In my life, I have had to let go of many things, both superficial and things very deep and close to my heart. And over the years, I have learned how to let those things go. But to achieve the happiness I want, I need to let go of a few more things…

I need to let go of my past. I have no record and nothing to hold me back, but the people I have held relationships with always seem to. When people come and go in your life, I believe you are faced with a question. Do you spark a relationship with this person, or say “hi” and let them pass by as if nothing happened and then call ourselves “friends?” Those people who I decided to spark a relationship with always seem to hold me back. They crossed me and made my life into something out of a horror movie, or they made me feel like something new was going to pop out at me every time I rounded a corner, or even when I was just walking take me down a straight path. These people created a “core memory,” if I were to speak in language from Disney’s Inside Out. Then, there are the relationships that just die that were never tied up for me. Those just hold back the happiness. I wonder, did I do, or say something wrong? Or did it just die? This happened to me a lot in middle school, and even in high school. And now, as I’m watching my little sister go through it, I want, so badly, to tell her that this pain of losing a friend can only last so long.

I see myself letting go, but I don’t see everything completely gone. There are still things to overcome, but there are many things in the rearview.

Another part of letting go of my past is wanting and needing to tell a new story. Throughout these twelve years of school, I have followed the same story. I have gotten good grades, kept to myself, stayed out of drama, followed all of the rules, and have been able to fly under the radar. But now, as I am gearing up to move to a new place, I think I want to let go of that person. I’ve learned, as I have gone throughout high school, that in order to learn, you need to screw up sometimes. Some of the best lessons I have learned are from the times where I have completely and utterly screwed up. Those are the times when I have learned the best lessons because during those times I have been the most moldable. Over the past four years, I haven’t had much fun. I have made friends that I hope will last a lifetime, but I haven’t had much fun. And that is what I want to let go of. Next year, as I grow on my own, I need to stop being so tense and learn to have fun. It is such an important concept in a person’s happiness.

Another thing I feel everyone should let go of is self-hate. Everyone does it, even when they deny it. It happens when you hear that girl walking down the hall saying, “How does she have better hair than me?” Or when a guy says, “I need to drop 20 pounds,” when he doesn’t have 20 pounds to lose. These are all forms of self-hate, whether we notice them or not. We are subconsciously putting ourselves down by telling ourselves these things. And most of the time, the things we say to ourselves are even worse. Self-hate is something that I wish the brain would not do. It would make the world a better place if people did not compare their bodies to one another. But they do, and there is nothing I can do to change that. Honestly, I believe that everyone should know that they are not what they see in the mirror or what they see on the scale.

All of these problems have plagued me for years. I see myself letting go, but I don’t see everything completely gone. I am ready to let it all go, but things just need a little more time to fly away.