In 2011, if you asked me what my favorite color was, without a doubt, I would have said purple.

I was obsessed with the chalky, pastel hue of a color that was meant to be ominous and dark; the vibrant undertones of my favorite violet was not the traditional, murky tint people would normally think of.

Lilac was only a drop of blue food coloring away from being almost black, and I was one drop of blue food coloring away from being sucked into a black hole of unhappiness. I was struggling to keep away from the pull of space, but just like light purple, I persevered and stayed on the fair side of the color wheel.

I wanted everything I owned to be light purple. I only used light purple crayons. I thought I would be obsessed with purple forever.

I was drawn to the faint shade of lavender from a young age, but never did I think to connect the pale tone to my life story. But as I aged, I realized the importance of the little things in life. The minuscule obsession I had was just that: trivial and unimportant—or so I thought.

A lot has changed in my life since I was seven-years-old; now I’m sixteen with a car, a huge friend group, and I’m in high school—the only constant has been my favorite color. But, not everything can stay the same. While my preferred is still grape, it’s now deeper and shadow-like. I went from loving a chalky, fun pigment to a dull, inky one. 

Dark purple isn’t very vibrant or very colorful, but I think that’s what makes it interesting. It’s harder to see what’s below the surface than in an opaque hue of my innocent childhood. 

Dark purple is very mysterious and captivating; there’s more to be figured out than a pale pigmentation of my elementary youth.

As I’ve matured and found who I am, my beloved hue of magenta has transformed to be darker and darker. I have grown up and am working towards being the best version of myself. Throughout these changes, I have watched not only myself grow in contrast but also my favorite color.

Watching everything around me change as I transition through all phases of my life is extremely daunting. Nothing has stayed the same—not even my treasured shade of plum. But like all things, there’s always a good side.

I’ve found myself through purple.