That’s what I’ve been worried about the whole time

Broken+glass+representing+a+breakup

Broken glass representing a breakup

It’s what I’ve been worried about this whole time—the beginning to the second ending.

I left you open-handed with no response. On my end, I was worried about what I would get myself into. It would either end up with pure happiness or heartbreak, but look at it now. The whole thing tied up to be both. There was a joy while it lasted. 

Those two years were spent with laughter, learning new things, and experiencing each other. 

It’s what I’ve been worried about this whole time—the beginning to the second ending.”

My world was full of noise—loud music, loud friends, and audible family members, but you gave me somewhere where I could feel comfortable being quiet. You gave me somewhere where I wouldn’t have to talk all of the time to get noticed. You gave me silence in my life. Now, I don’t have that. It’s all back to the noise. It’s what I’ve been worried about the whole time. 

I’m impatient. I’m always waiting for things to happen. This is what you gave me: patience. Waiting for a response, worried about what it could be, it turned out to be nothing. I learned patience from this; I need to slow down. When you were busy, I needed to wait and stop being anxious about where you were and who you were with, and now, I don’t have this. I am back with my impatient thoughts. It’s what I’ve been worried about the whole time. 

I love my friends and my family in a way that’s different from each other. I love my family securely. The love will always last. I love my friends while they are there for me—the ones who stick around and may stay forever. I loved you differently. I loved you in a way where we could joke around with one another but then say the sweetest things the next. You taught me how to love someone, but if you truly do love someone, you don’t let them go just like that, and that’s what I’ve been worried about the whole time. 

In this situation, I don’t know how to feel. Should I be angry, upset, or relieved? All I am is confused. I cry, and then I’m laughing the next minute. This doesn’t make sense how everything falls into place. I wonder what you are doing right now. I wonder if you feel the same way. I wonder what you are doing with that stuff I gave you. I wonder if you are as confused as me. 

Sometimes, I sit and look at pictures of us, and it can’t seem accurate, but life must go on. Everything happens for a reason. We are juniors in high school, we have jobs, you can drive, and we both do busy sports. We are separate people. I sat on the couch with you and said, “I’m worried. I’m worried about the future. We will get jobs, and we will be driving soon.” 

So, that’s what I’ve been worried about the whole time.