This blank page is finally full again

This blank page is finally full again

I find myself constantly coming to this blank tab. The same blank tab with no titles, no words, no color. This blank page finds a way to creep into my every thought and overwhelm me countless times every day.

I feel as I have told everyone my story—who I am. I have poured my deepest feelings onto a page that is usually overflowing with words. Normally, I know exactly what and how I am feeling, and I turn to my way of expression.

Although lately, my form of expression seems to have dissipated; I no longer know how to explain my underlying feelings. It seems as though everything in me has disappeared.

Maybe I have said too much, maybe I have explained all that I had needed to. But now what do I do? Do I make up completely new feelings that are not genuine? Do I try so hard to dig as deep into myself as I can? Because I have tried that. Nothing.

This once completely empty and abandoned tab turned into something full and worthwhile, and I am telling myself that this full tab is enough.”

This tab usually flowing with words has turned into a blank canvas. I no longer know how to express myself because whatever spark that used to reside in me is now gone. 

I am aware my feelings do not need to come across as eloquent or even presentable. They just need to be there, and I am trying so hard to be able to understand them, but it seems as though nothing is working, nothing is coming to the surface. 

I have spent hours reading over articles on how to overcome this, but no matter how closely I follow the guidelines, it all seems to constantly come to a halting stop.

I have heard to start a routine, but routine is boring. I have heard to embrace the imperfection that comes from deep within myself, and I guess that seems to be what I am doing now.

Even though I do not have any idea on how to get through this, I simply am. And for that, I am so grateful. I am beyond appreciative I am at least getting something on this once blank tab.

Although it may not look how I want it to or what I wanted it to be, this tab now has color. This once completely empty and abandoned tab turned into something full and worthwhile, and I am telling myself that this full tab is enough.