I’m not perfectly comfortable going nowhere in life


A few weeks ago, as I wandered aimlessly through the aisles of Meijer, I came across a journal. It was light purple and displayed a drawing of a woman in a fancy dress and jewelry. Above her, in a thin black font, was the phrase “I’m perfectly comfortable going nowhere in life.”

I laughed, snapped a quick photo, and posted it to my VSCO. It was a light-hearted and carefree action, comparable to the idea itself, that it is perfectly fine to go nowhere in life.

I thought little of it and wandered off again. But as I passed through the aisles, an uncomfortable feeling nagged at me. I was finally able to pinpoint it; the cause of this slight uneasiness was the journal. I deleted the photo, but now, I was left to consider why the phrase didn’t sit well with me.

I have for so long assuaged my worries with this idea that if I end up achieving nothing in life, it will be okay. So what if I end up living a boring life, in a job I tolerate as long as it’s easy? But in a snap moment, I was forced to rethink that idea.

I think the initial thought sprung from the high-achieving reputation of the community I grew up in. While my parents have always been easy-going in regards to grades, I’ve witnessed countless situations in which my friends panicked because they got a B on a test and were terrified for their parents to find out.

Mentally, I overcorrected, which resulted in this idea. This foolish idea that it’s completely okay to never grow in certain areas and to never achieve anything in life.

While I still firmly believe that success should never come at the cost of someone’s mental health, I am recognizing that hard work and pushing yourself are both crucial aspects of life; they are essential components to going places, whether that means literally or figuratively.

I’ve never traveled much. I’ve visited a few different states, but I’ve never even left the country. My world is a small bubble that I’ve never really been eager to leave. The bubble is safety; the bubble is home.

But as I am growing mentally and physically, I am learning new things about myself. Like the fact that I really want to travel. I want to visit every state in the U.S. I want to visit other countries. I want to see new cities. I want to see different types of people. I want to experience the world in a way I never have.

And all of that is possible but only through hard work. I can’t just make peace with the idea that I will never see new things. To truly live, I have to pop this bubble I’ve been existing in.

To truly live, I have to pop this bubble I’ve been existing in.”

And I have big dreams. Dreams that, for so long, I have pushed aside as “maybes” and “some days.”

I want to become a writer. I want to tell stories that people have never heard before.

I want to fall in love. I want to be helplessly in love with a place, a person, a story. I don’t know yet what my true love will be, but I know I want to find it.

I want to live in a big city. I want to be surrounded by thousands of people who each have their own hopes and dreams.

I want all that and so much more. I want to experience life to the fullest degree.

A few hours ago, I took a walk to the park to see the sunset. As I sat on a bench, wrapped in a blanket, the sky wide and open around me, I experienced a truly surreal moment.

I’ve often heard people talk about how they feel when they realize how vast the world is and how small they are in comparison, but I’ve never felt that before. Yet suddenly, as I was sitting beneath the beautiful sunset, it hit me.

The world is a massive expanse, and I am a small speck, seemingly insignificant. But rather than feeling meaningless, I felt oddly empowered. In this whole world, full of breathtaking sights and wonders, I am also here.

I want to see it all. There is a whole world for me to explore, and I’ve seen none of it. How is that fair to my hopes and dreams? How is it okay to take this life I’ve been given for granted and waste it being scared of the unknown? How can I hide away in my bubble when the entire world is at my fingertips?

So no, I’m not perfectly comfortable going nowhere in life. Not even a little bit.