It has to end eventually


I keep putting off my final assignments for the year. I could not admit to myself why I would do this, though. 

At first, I told myself it was because I was merely tired of working on school and every assignment felt pointless to complete. My time away from school only makes each day feel more and more like summer. 

However, I could not keep telling myself this lie. 

A part of me wanted to believe it because the truth intimidated me: I am not ready to move on

I know that finishing my junior year means that when we return to school in the fall, it will be my final year of high school. I am not ready for that concluding year. 

I am not ready to plan the next four years of my life when I have to say goodbye to all of the friends I have made at school. 

I am not ready to attend the final year of assemblies, school dances, and football games. 

I am not ready to step up as a leader to try to fill the gargantuan shoes that the class of 2020 left behind. 

But most of all, I am not ready to let go of all of the memories I have made. 

Everyone says that the years you are in high school are the best years of your life, and I am afraid that I will not do enough to add truth to that statement. 

I am afraid I will have to leave before I truly feel ready. 

I have to let go of the idea that high school lasts forever.”

I am afraid to say goodbye to my lifelong friends. 

Saying goodbye to the seniors has always been the most challenging part of the school year, and each year it becomes more arduous. 

I have had time to establish relationships with the class above me, and now they are leaving. It seems like the past three years with them have not been enough. I do not want that to happen with all of my friends that I still have left. 

I know that saying goodbye at the end of next year will be the most burdensome thing, and I am not ready for that. 

I thought the best solution was to avoid my school work. It would be like time stopped, and I would not have to worry about any of it, but I cannot do that anymore. 

I have to say goodbye to some of my friends. I have to prepare for my future outside of high school. I have to fill the shoes of those who walked before me. 

I have to let go of the idea that high school lasts forever.