My mind is a storm


Useless math skills.

Random conversations I had, floating to the surface.

The Tide commercial making its way, once again, into my head, getting trapped there.

The slight drizzle turns into a downpour as more thoughts enter my mind.

I try to focus on what I am doing, trying to think about one thing. 

My mind does not listen. My commands are useless. It starts creating more and more thoughts until it feels like I am a computer with way too many tabs open. Almost impossible to find what I need.

There are forgotten algebra and biology assignments. 

“What would happen if the sun went supernovae?” is there as well.

I try to focus on what I am doing, trying to think about one thing. My mind does not listen. My commands are useless. ”

My math homework is on the table, calculator on, as I zone out again.

Random questions start coming to the surface. How does one go insane? How did people come up with different languages? How are colors a thing?

Then downpour turns to a thunderstorm as things I thought I had forgotten enter.

There are books that I forgot I loved, such as The Pegasus series, and Letters to the Lost. The adventures they brought me on are slowly disappearing. The plots are getting fuzzy; they are fading from my mind. 

There are songs that I had forgotten I loved. “Buzzcut Season” by Lorde is there, the bass thumping out the beat. “Counting Stars” by OneRepublic is there, its soft acoustics leading to the main chorus mix with the cacophony of the hurricane.

My forgotten passion for acting and my love to play the flute. They both are swimming, fighting, hoping, and praying that they do not drown in my mind.

They are hoping to see me in a school play or even just creating little scenarios in my headmaking up characters and their personalities. 

They long to hear the hauntingly-beautiful melody of my flute float through the house. 

They do not want to be lost like my memories from the first years of my life.

There are memories that are slowly sinking, almost lost to the colossal waves of my mind. The only survivors are those with boats or rafts. Some of these memories have been thrown overboard to make room for the recent events. The memories with friends who are no longer by my side were thrown overboard to make room for memories with friends who are with me now. 

The only thing that I can do is try and fight the storm; I can hope that the storm calms itself down so that I can finally focus on a single thing.

But I doubt it will.