Life after loss

Life after loss

Losing people is inevitable. Whether by the hands of death or the simple wind of change, we end up saying goodbye in one way or another. As much as saying goodbye to your loved ones hurts, living life after loss seems to present even more pain.

Multiple times, I’ve heard people say they are scared of forming close relationships with others because they are terrified of losing them. We like to think we have control over our lives regarding who enters and leaves, but in reality, we have as much control as we do when riding in a passenger seat on an airplane. We are helpless to the turbulence of life and the long waiting period it takes to get over losing someone. But despite all of this, I’ve never feared to love deeply and meaningfully. I have always believed that I would much rather have loved and experienced that person’s presence in my life than never have known them at all. We can’t live in fear of losing people; rather, we should focus on loving them while we have them.

But no matter how much we love them, that doesn’t change the fact that we can’t keep them forever. We have the tendency to give our hearts– our identities– to other people. I can’t decide whether or not this is a good thing.

On one hand, I almost feel that it’s unavoidable. We care about people, and in turn, we end up giving pieces of ourselves to them because we love them so deeply. I don’t think we even realize it happens until there comes a point where we can’t have them any longer.

But on the other, giving someone a piece of you leads to pain because, in the end, no one stays forever. I think it’s important to remember to love unconditionally, but beware of who has a tendency to stay longer. Choosing to give little pieces of yourself to people who will stay leads to fulfilling relationships instead of leading down a trail of tears.

The end of a relationship is not the end of you.”

People do not make you who you are; they only add on to you. Remember this. This is where giving only small parts of yourself comes in. If we only give away small pieces, we do not lose who we are. After saying goodbye, it is easy to feel lost or alone. This part is inevitable, but the way to make it more bearable is by remembering who you are. You’re the same person you were before, just with more memories and more love.

They did not take away any part of you. They did not steal your joy, your happiness, your love, or your life. You still have every one of those pieces. The end of a relationship is not the end of you. There is life after loss; you just have to remember that your life was never taken away. You still have it, and you can still live it.

I do not know how to deal with loss in a perfect manner– not even close. I still struggle with it, but I have ideas. The only thing that I know for sure is that every person that has ever come into and left my life was there for a reason. Whether I find that out now or years later in a retirement home, they all had a purpose. I have to believe their presence helped me become who I am today or who I will be in the future.

No one said adjusting to a new open space would be easy, but no one says how hard it can be either. We lose people we love as fast as leaves turn brown; relationships crumble just as fast. No matter how hard we try to hold on to the seasons of change, they always seem to slip away. The hardest thing to accept is that we have no control over who we keep in our lives, but once we do, a sense of peace tends to come over us. We can stop worrying.

Letting go is never easy; it’s not meant to be. I believe we are meant to love with everything we are. But that also means that when the people we do love are taken away from us, it cuts deep. It shows how much we cared for them, and that isn’t a bad thing. Loving is never wicked, and although losing creates scars, it’s every bit a part of life as loving is. People come and people go; we can’t control that. All we can do is love people while we have them. Love them thoroughly, entirely. Tell them every day how much they mean to you. Overuse ‘I love you’ because we can never say it enough. We are given people so that we can love them. Focus on loving people while we have them, not on when we have to say goodbye.