Someday: The Finale

More stories from Kati Mansfield


One of these days, it’s going to be me.

I’m going to pass shop windows or bathroom mirrors, glance at my shadow, and it will be undeniably, admirably me.

My heart and my mind will be in harmony, and they will go all in with everything I do, and the things I do will be for me.

I will be comfortable and create my place anywhere and everywhere I am.

I will surround myself with those who don’t make it harder to live but easier to thrive.

I won’t waste my time shadow boxing with my past self but instead, embrace her and learn to live alongside each other.

I will let myself scream in agony when it hurts and laugh unapologetically when the world is bright.

I will be intense and extreme in my emotions and my heart, and I won’t let myself feel wrong for that.

I will never settle. I will get angry rightfully and express feelings without need for reason; I will forgive simply for me and no one else.

I will know that I am completely and fundamentally peculiar from every human, and I will be in an eternal state of acceptance.

I will love my body for what it is, and if it doesn’t fit, I will throw it away.

I will search for things that make me uncomfortable so that I can hold them snugly against my soul.

There will be nobody in my world who can change this.

This I am so sure of.

I am not science-oriented. The small picture, the chemistry, of how an atom works looking into the basic, miniscule interactions that happen on a plane so ethereal to us: I don’t understand that. I don’t have to understand these things to be thankful.

I am not religious. God, heaven, the Bible: I never have and can honestly say I never plan to buy into those beliefs no matter how many pamphlets I’m given. I don’t have to believe in a God to believe in miracles– in destiny and signs.

I am not ever-reaching. There are things in this world I am not interested in in the slightest. Some of those things are expected of every person in their lives. And I will not strain for that– for something I don’t want. I won’t try to be everything in one and adopt traits that aren’t mine; I will effervesce me and all that I am, and that will be enough. If not for anyone else, then for me.

I will not spend years waiting in line to try to climb the same tree to the same skyline that everyone else is. I’m going to step out of line the way that makes everyone uncomfortable and speak in hushed tones, and I’m going to walk away. I’m going to find my own horizon.

I’m going to re-read my column series one day, and I’m going to smile to myself for nights and nights because I made it.

I will laugh until I cry because we made it.

Someday, my world will be alive and thriving with the passion and heart I’ve always been capable of.

Someday, I won’t care what your world thinks.

Someday, it will be me.

Undeniably, admirably me.