Sorry, my motivation is in quarantine


I have lost all motivation to complete anything.

Ever since school was canceled, I have felt like there is no need to try. I never particularly enjoyed waking up at 6 a.m. to go to a place where I am forced to sit at a desk and exhaust my hands all day—I miss it though. 

I miss tuning my violin as my class pulls out the same piece of music we have been practicing for weeks or sometimes even months.

I miss trying to understand trigonometry with all of my friends by my side even though I, clearly, do not understand it most days.

I miss sitting in the library during my free hour to finally get the chance to catch up on the work that somehow escaped from me the night before. 

I miss working on a new project every other day that shows me the different perspectives of politicians throughout the ages. 

I miss writing in my journal and reading books for the mere purpose of taking a quiz on them. 

I miss listening to the Central Trend meetings and then roaming the hallways to take photos of students that are a lot more interesting than I could have thought. 

I apologize for not wanting to do anything after everything I care about was taken from me.

I miss my friends. 

School was always my escape from the real world, yet it was the most important thing in my world. Now that school is canceled, it seems like my world is no longer within my reach. 

I have tried my hardest to keep myself motivated when all I want to do is lie in my bed and sleep. 

My least favorite part of the day is no longer waking up early to sit at a desk for several hours; it is sitting in front of my laptop and opening it up to the countless emails from teachers that, for most of them, I will never sit through their class again. 

I know that I will not see most of my friends ever again. I know that I will not take most of these classes again. But I cannot seem to wrap my finger around the idea that school is supposed to continue through these times, so I do everything in my power to avoid it at times. 

Therefore, I apologize for my lack of motivation.

I apologize for not wanting to do anything after everything I care about was taken from me. I will still try though. I know, in the end, trying is the only thing that will get me through this.