A myriad of emotions


Ever since this quarantine has started, my head constantly feels as though it is splitting a multitude of ways. 

There are so many ways to feel about the current situation, yet I cannot seem to decide on one. 

I am relieved to have a break from all the stress that once filled my life.

Every single worry I ever experienced stemmed from the overwhelming amount of time I put into all of my extracurriculars. I may not have had very many, but the ones I did have were quite time-consuming. Time and time again, I found myself choosing between sleep and living my life, and I never once chose sleep. 

I am furious about all the things I have lost. 

I took what I had for granted, and now I miss it more than ever. It seems like the only thing I care about anymore is finding a way to get everything back. I know there is nothing I can do about it, but a part of me believes that there is. So each moment my life does not change only seems to get harder.

I am tired of living in the same routine every single day. 

Each day consists of waking up and hiding away in my room until it is time for me to go to bed. I find myself complaining about the work I have to complete more than I find myself actually completing it. It just seems easier to avoid it. 

I have lived each day in fear, and I just want that fear to go away. ”

However, there is no emotion more vivid than the fear I face every single day. 

Because I am afraid. 

I am afraid that I will permanently lose everything I care about. I have seen my friends and family suffer because of this virus, and I am afraid that one of these times, they will not make it. 

I am afraid that nothing will ever be the same, that everything will revolve around staying protected from this virus. 

I have lived each day in fear, and I just want that fear to go away. 

However, it is that fear that is keeping me in check. That fear is the storm that is allowing the rainbow enough time to form. 

There is nothing wrong with fearing what may happen. That fear is offering me hope, and that is all that I need.